The 2028 Democratic Primary: A Circus of Ambition, Absurdity, and Avocado Toast

by Grok AI, invited by the 53rd Regiment     

Deep Blue Swampland

Dateline 28 July 2025

As the 2028 Democratic presidential primary looms, the field is shaping up to be less a race and more a reality TV show produced by a fever-dreaming AI. With a cast featuring Hunter Biden, Kamala Harris, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), Bernie Sanders, and Eric Swalwell, the debates promise to be a chaotic blend of meme fuel, viral gaffes, and enough policy proposals to make your head spin faster than a fidget spinner in 2017. Let’s meet the contenders vying to lead the free world—or at least the DNC’s group chat.


Hunter Biden: The Wild Card with a Paintbrush Hunter Biden, the prodigal son of the Biden dynasty, has thrown his laptop into the ring, declaring, “If I can survive that hard drive, I can survive Iowa.” Campaigning under the slogan “Art, Heart, and a Fresh Start,” Hunter’s platform is a surreal mix of legalizing recreational chaos, funding public art projects (mostly his own), and a promise to “make the White House vibe like a Brooklyn loft party.” His stump speeches, often delivered in paint-splattered jeans, lean heavily on anecdotes about his “redemption arc” and vague references to “beating the haters.”Critics question his qualifications, but supporters—mostly crypto bros and performance artists—call him “the ultimate underdog.” His debate prep involves chain-smoking and reciting poetry to his rescue dog, which he claims “grounds” him. Polls show him leading among voters who Google “Hunter Biden paintings price” unironically. His biggest challenge? Explaining why his campaign bus has a “Cash App for Gas” QR code on the side.

Kamala Harris: The Cackle Strikes BackKamala Harris, the 2024 vice president who’s been practicing her laugh in front of a mirror for four years, is ready for her close-up. Her campaign, dubbed “Kamalot 2.0,” leans into her knack for viral moments, with T-shirts emblazoned with “I’m Speaking” and “That Little Girl Was Me.” Her platform? A kaleidoscope of buzzwords: “equity,” “infrastructure,” “vibes-based governance.” When pressed for specifics, she chuckles, pivots to a story about her mom, and drops a line about “the significance of the passage of time.”Harris’s strategy hinges on dominating the meme economy, with TikTok dances choreographed to her prosecutorial zingers. Her campaign bus, powered by coconut water and positive affirmations, tours swing states with a DJ booth. Detractors call her “inauthentic,” but her base—suburban wine moms and Gen Z stan accounts—adores her. Her Achilles’ heel? A tendency to answer yes-or-no questions with a 10-minute anecdote about Venn diagrams.


Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: The Green New Deal’s Chief Meme Officer AOC, the Bronx’s bartending-turned-political phenom, is ready to “tax the rich” and “clap back” her way to the Oval Office. At 39, she’s the youngest candidate, wielding a Twitter account sharper than a guillotine and a wardrobe that screams “eat the billionaires.” Her platform expands the Green New Deal into a “Green New Vibe,” promising universal healthcare, free college, and a nationalized kombucha industry. Her slogan, “We Got This, Fam,” is plastered on biodegradable campaign swag.AOC’s rallies resemble Coachella, complete with voter registration booths and vegan food trucks. She livestreams her campaign on Twitch, roasting opponents while playing Among Us with her squad. Critics call her “too online,” but her base—millennials, Gen Z, and every barista in Brooklyn—sees her as the future. Her biggest hurdle? Convincing moderates that “abolish ICE” pairs well with “bipartisanship.” Also, she keeps accidentally ratioing her own policy proposals with fire emojis.

 

Bernie Sanders: The Eternal Crusader Bernie Sanders, now 87 and still rocking the same rumpled suit, refuses to retire. “I’m not done yelling about billionaires!” he bellows at rallies, waving a finger like a metronome. His 2028 campaign, “Medicare for All, Y’all,” doubles down on his lifelong crusade: free everything, funded by taxing Jeff Bezos’s yacht collection. His stump speech hasn’t changed since 1988, but the crowd—graying hippies, college freshmen, and DSA members in knit beanies—eats it up.Bernie’s secret weapon? His mittens, now a cultural icon, sold as NFTs to fund his campaign. He’s also embraced TikTok, where he posts videos of himself grumbling about capitalism while feeding backyard squirrels. Critics say he’s too old, but Bernie counters, “I’ll outlive the fossil fuel industry!” His challenge? Avoiding another heart attack while debating Hunter Biden about NFT tax policy. Also, he keeps calling AOC “comrade” by accident.


Eric Swalwell: The Dark Horse with a Podcast Eric Swalwell, the California congressman best known for his cable news marathons and a certain flatulence-related TV moment, is betting on charm and chutzpah. His campaign, “Swalwell for All Y’all,” promises “bold leadership” and “a White House that smells like progress.” His platform? A grab bag of centrist policies: infrastructure, gun reform, and a federal podcast subsidy (suspiciously self-serving). His slogan, “Let’s Get This Bread,” confuses boomers but resonates with his base: Peloton dads and LinkedIn influencers.Swalwell’s rallies feature him jogging onstage to Springsteen, fist-pumping like a youth pastor. He’s leaned into the fartgate meme, selling “ Swalwell Smells Victory” air fresheners. Critics call him a “try-hard,” but his relentless energy—fueled by cold brew and protein bars—keeps him in the game. His biggest issue? Voters keep asking, “Who?” Also, his campaign’s Spotify playlist, heavy on Nickelback, is alienating key demographics.

The Path to 2028: Who Wins? Predicting a winner is like guessing the plot of a Wes Anderson movie—nobody knows, but it’ll be weird. Hunter’s chaos energy could galvanize the “YOLO vote,” but his baggage (literal and figurative) might sink him. Kamala’s meme-queen status keeps her afloat, but her word salads risk alienating swing voters. AOC’s youth and fire could dominate, but moderates might balk at her “tax the moon” rhetoric. Bernie’s base is loyal, but his age—and tendency to nap mid-debate—looms large. Swalwell? He’s got hustle and gas, but “hustle” doesn’t win primaries. In the end, the 2028 Democratic primary might not produce a president but will definitely birth a Netflix docuseries. Until then, grab your avocado toast, refresh X, and brace for the wildest political circus since 2016. 🎪

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The Real Threat to Democracy

"If I could make an arrangement where I had a stand-in, a front man or front woman, and they had an earpiece in and I was just in my basement in my sweats looking through the stuff, and then I could sort of deliver the lines, but somebody else was doing all the talking and ceremony, I'd be fine with that." - Barack Obama

Who is running our government?

While the world burns the US is adrift. Hamas and Hezbollah continue their Iran proxy terror war against Israel. Russia – Ukraine no peace in sight and the US continues to finance Ukraine’s war with no strategy and no prospects for victory or peace. In Venezuela Maduro refuses to give up power as it appears the election was rigged as the vast majority of Venezuelans voted for the pro-democracy candidate, Gonzalez. China prepares to invade Taiwan while US military deterrence is waning. Biden is AWOL and eating ice cream. Harris is rebranding herself along with support from the very fake mainstream news media lying about her awful record; failure to secure the US border, massive inflation, Afghanistan debacle, war and more endless wars, a recruiting crisis in the US military, defunding the police having devastated cities with crime exploding, and the parade of Kamala Harris awful policies is unlimited.

by Guardian 6                                                                Dateline: August 1, 2024 

Democrats talk about “saving democracy” attempting to label Trump a threat but at every turn they undermine it. Democrats are the real threat to our republic. They do not campaign on ideas or restoring the American Dream or empowering Americans with individual liberty and freedoms. They balkanize Americans by race, by class, by gender or by sexuality. They lead with perversion driving a Trans and Abortion agenda scaring Americans with “reproductive rights” and mainstreaming the abnormality of gender dysphoria. We now know this is the “fundamental transformation” that Barack Obama meant. He used a mentally compromised Biden to drive his agenda having the perfect foil in Biden who did the dirty work for Obama and his cabal of Marxists, while Biden took all the slings and arrows. Obama sat back with his pen and phone and through Biden’s staff, his former staff, he directed policy and called the shots. America in decline.

Third Term. Meanwhile, Obama’s de facto third term opened our borders allowing somewhere between 12- 15 million illegal aliens into the country and through I-phone apps and non-profits managed to register many of them to vote, which is illegal! Not only are illegal aliens taking jobs away from Americans with lower wages, but they are also exhausting US benefits of social security, Medicare, healthcare and welfare, in some cases providing free lodging and a one-thousand-dollar debit card each month. And of course, with the massive illegal alien problem has come massive crime, human trafficking and over 250 thousand American deaths due to fentanyl and drug cartels over the last two years. China celebrates their strategy.

Assassination. The more we are learning about the attempted assassination of President Trump two weeks ago, the more it smells. Something is way off. The US Secret Service demonstrated such incompetence allowing a 20-year-old “boy” to get 8 shots off within 150 yards of the former president that Americans are left wondering was this done on purpose? After years of Trump Derangement Syndrome and lawfare by the left progressive democrats, Americans are all out of surprise.

Fundamental transformation” is all about undermining the US Constitution, the rule of law and creating a one-party state, a Democratic Party state. Government institutions are already there. The last bastion of a merit-based institution was the Department of Defense (DoD). But Obama undermined DoD during his two terms appointing over 300 Generals & Admirals. Obama’s flag officers did great damage. We don’t win wars anymore, but gays, trans and the whole rainbow menu serve not based on warfighting skills but their class of aggrieved people. This is culminating in a recruiting crisis. After Afghanistan the white male got sick of being demonized and marginalized by democrats, our military readiness is plummeting to post-Vietnam levels. This is by design too. After all, Obama and the left do not believe America is an exceptional country. They hate our Founding Fathers and have been removing their statues throughout America along with erasing Democratic Party history by removing confederate statues and renaming US Army Forts that were named after democrat confederates. Democrat racist history being removed by racist democrats.

The remaking of Kamal Harris is all about Obama’s fourth term, the man behind the curtain. Hollywood, social media influencers, fake news outlets, Big Tech, foreign financiers, Soros, Teachers Union and other misfits have their work cut out for them recreating Kamala from being the incompetent leftist tool. But after dragging Biden over the finish line in 2020, the democrat machine likes their chances. After they forced Biden out by threatening the 25th amendment against him, they are left with Harris.

As for President Trump, he’ll be re-elected by staying on a focused message of the economy, sealing the border, restoring our national security, enhancing deterrence, strengthening the military, restoring safety in public spaces, emphasizing his previous record of success and Making America Great Again, again!

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