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Dateline: April 12, 2021 6:30. Missouri Territory
“One cat just leads to another.”
- Ernest Hemmingway
“Keith Olbermann is a Big Dummy”
- Sylvester the Cat
The Uyghurs in China are suffering. Keith Olbermann doesn’t care.
Human trafficking at the southern border. Keith Olbermann doesn’t care.
BLM and Antifa unleash all manner of violence and depravity on the inner cities of the US. Keith Olbermann doesn’t care.
Millions of abortions in the US every year. Keith Olbermann applauds.
Myanmar/Burma is once again sinking into a Coup. Keith doesn’t know because he’s watching The View.
Russia about to annex Ukraine. Keith Olbermann is in the hot tub with Adam Schiff and Eric Swalwell, about to pop the cork on some Andre’ Pink Champagne. Oblivious.
There is another tragedy unfolding that you may not be aware of. The tragedy of Keith Olbermann’s 19 cats.
If you followed Blackjack Pershing’s now erased Twitter account, you would have known that Keith’s 19 cats took advantage of the easily manipulated mail in ballots to vote for Donald J. Trump behind the back of their diapered, bedwetting owner. Fact.
The situation has now become more dire. Help is needed. Fellow patriots its time for those of you who are animal lovers to step up. Also – those of you that just hate depravity: step up. We can’t look the other way.
What is going on, you ask? We have established the following information as factual based on insider information and several phone calls made on Keith’s remaining land line by the cats while he’s been at work.
- All 19 cats, who are MAGA, are forced to listen to MSNBC which Keith leaves on when he is not at home. This is a cruel, depraved situation.
- Keith has given a several of the cats names which reflect his social network, and the so named cats are very upset:
- ‘Rosie’ is not happy about her name and wants it known that she is not over weight
- ‘Whoopie’ is in a constant bad mood due to her name, and its amplified when Keith watches The View, especially when he cheers out loud for that sorry cast.
- ‘Barack’ feels his kitty manhood has been insulted and wants the world to know that his birth country has never been in question
- ‘Dr Jill’ is probably the most pissed off at this point, as she’s only 2 years old and doesn’t want people to think she’s an old bag
- ‘Bernie’ is not a commie and wants the world to know.
- Next, the cats are forced to watch Keith parade around his apartment in various shocking outfits that range from a bunny rabbit ‘furry’ outfit to a full blown Joan Crawford cross dressing effort. Yes the cats can run and hide but the first sighting is always burned into their memories. Unfair!
- Food theft. Keith is known to be lazy. When not screaming on social media about some imagined vast right wing conspiracy, he doesn’t do that much and spends much of his time on the couch watching his heroes: Brian Stelter, Anderson Cooper, Cher, George Stephanopoulos, Jake Tapper, Ru Paul and Lady Gaga. He often forgets to get groceries and has routinely dipped into the reserves of Fancy Feast and Friskies, and has gone through most of the treats. Needless to say the cats are pissed. They wonder if the litter boxes are the next target of this lazy lout.
- Keith likes to belt out Broadway show tunes when no one is around but the cats. His faves are melodies from Wicked, Love Story and Phantom of the Opera. Let’s just say Keith is not a singer and the cats have had it.
- Emotional abuse. Keith talks to the cats as if they are sympathizers to his causes.
- Through his tears on January 6th, he could not see the 19 angry sets of eyes that wanted to point out to him that Trump was miles away and that the so called insurrectionists were let into the Capitol and that there were BLM/Antifa activists embedded in the crowd.
- While Keith yelled at the TV during the so called debates last November, his 19 cats knew the liberal ‘moderators’ had clearly taken sides.
- While Keith yaps about children at the border, his cats know that open borders are all about Democrat subversion and illegal voting.
- Even the 3 Siamese cats in the crew of 19 are sick of Keith’s sympathizing and constant excuses for China, to include his assertion that the China virus started in the US. Outrageous!
- Have there been attempts to negotiate? Yes, but apparently Keith regards constant kitty dumps on his bed and pillows as signs of affection.
So, fellow patriots, I ask for your help. We must demand that Keith Olbermann free his 19 cats, all of whom are MAGA. We will need foster parents for the cats, adopters and possibly and Special Ops team to raid the apartment where they are captive.
Final note, while 7 of the cats lean Libertarian, the other 12 have fully aligned with the Freedom Caucus.
I welcome your comments below. Its time.
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