Roofman Soars

Dateline July 24th, 2017

 Fifth Third Field Dayton, Ohio

Continuing to soar under the radar as far as mascots go, Roofman has established a significant following in professional baseball circles. He’s more than just a dude running on Fifth Third Field Rooftops in the latter innings, he’s become a cult figure in Germany where his fanbase explores his purpose in life over several rounds of beers in two liter maases. Most fans attend Dayton Dragon games for the baseball but these Bavarians attend the game for Roofman. Roofman is quickly becoming bigger than St. Nicholas in cities like Munich, Neu Ulm and Wuerzburg.

The Munich Roofman fanbase is trying to organize a visit for the summer of 2018. They are going to try and align their visit with the Germanfest at Riverscape Metro Park in Dayton that is only a block from Fifth Third Field. Heindrich is looking forward to sampling Little Kings beer, eating Mike Sells chips and of course watching Roofman glide across the ballparks roof and perhaps catching a softee ball or getting an autograph.

In some prior posts on Twitter and Facebook, Roofman has occassionally been criticized for his weak arm, falling down on the job and being excessively shy. His off season training program has resulted in better throws and staying upright on the roof. He continues to battle excessive shyness. However, due to unfair criticism, Roofman has allied himself with the elite Fake News Strike Force (FNSF). The FNSF corrects the record and eliminates fake news.

Roofman is special and becoming an international star. His powers, whether real or suspect, deserve some respect. Roofman deserves our respect and now that the Dragons have brought in the elite Fake News Strike Force, he is more likely to get it.


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GothamCiti – Reloaded

Dateline: 53rd Regiment News

February 20, 2017

After two consecutive seasons of making the playoffs to include the World Series in 2015, the Mets have reloaded principally with their Fab Five pitchers reporting for duty healthy and a veteran presence balanced with young talent hungry for a championship. Master Alderson successfully brought back the thunder resigning electric #52 Yoenis Cespedes while also resigning steady Neil Walker, in essence, addition by retention. Terry Collins enters his seventh season at the helm of the Amazin’ Mets showcasing his ability to push all the right buttons while balancing the expectations of managing in New York and setting the tone for his ball club.

Looking to avoid the injury bug this year, will go a long way in getting the Amazin’ Mets back to championship baseball. Last year, 3 of 5 starting pitchers were lost by mid-July and 3 of 4 infielders were lost by August, not a formula for winning but somehow the Mets found a way to get into the playoffs through grit and determination.

So here we are spring training 2017, and here come the Mets! Captain America’s (#5 David Wright) leadership, this Super Hero is battling his health doing everything he can to get on the field from serious back and neck injuries. Returning from the shadows, the Dark Knight (#33 Matt Harvey) has regained his form and he will continue to battle the enemy inside and outside of Gotham. As this glorious battle continues, the Dark Knight will return to form eliminating the criminal element throughout the league.

His battery mate, Wolverine (#45 Zach Wheeler) continues to battle back from the demon Tommy John. Although the Wolverine was a mutant and engineered to not suffer human injuries, he was infected with a virus and suffered a similar injury to the Dark Knight. He inches closer to that 100 MPH heater as I write.

The Silver Surfer (#48 Jacob deGrom) has had his ulnar nerve repaired after a three-month battle. Regularly underestimated entering Gotham’s rotation he emerged in 2014 as the NL Rookie of the League, and in 2015 he used his five different pitches to mow down the AL All-Stars in 10 pitches in a single inning, with three blazing strike outs, an All-Star game record.

Enter stage right from the dugout, Thor (#34, Noah Syndergaard), “if you have a problem with me pitching inside, meet me 60 feet and 6 inches away” led the NY Mets with his big hammer, warrior spirit and willingness to challenge royalty at every turn. While the villain Moustakas fired F-bombs from his safe fortress in the dugout, and hid behind umpires, Thor picked up his hammer and went to work mowing the royalty down. The new villain he battles is #34 whom roams the outfield of the DC Swamp along with a nasty creature called Wolfman.

Returning from a bone spur and a shoulder impingement injury, Iron Man (#32 Steven Matz), part of Gotham’s Vengeance Force, used his brilliant intellect and sophisticated pitches to silence the enemy at the plate, especially his deceptive slider and curve that freezes batters. After his off-season recovery, Iron Man is ready to soar to new heights.

Sadly, The Hulk (#40, Bartolo Colon) has moved to archrival Atlanta where it has been reported they have better clubhouse meals and an unlimited buffet. The Mets must remain vigilant in battling The Hulk’s brute strength, craftiness and his appetite to defeat his enemies.

It is now 2017, teams have reported for spring training, the Amazin’ Mets have reloaded and begin the fight to reclaim the Division Title of the NL East, National League Championship Pennant and ultimately winning the 2017 World Series. It is our time! Bring the season on, Play Ball!