Tag: Merry Christmas

‘Twas the Night Before MAGA Christmas

By BlackJack Pershing,  @blakjakpershing in GETTR
Dateline Christmas 2021
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Whitehouse
Not a creature was working, but Hunter was molesting a mouse
Leftist hacks camped out by the chimney with care
Screaming Never say ‘Christmas!! No no don’t you dare!!!’
The freak show cabinet were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of transgendered athletes danced in their heads
Kamala in her kerchief and Mayor Pete in his cap
Argued over who would take over when Chinah Joe finally took a dirt nap
When out on the south lawn there arose such a clatter
Doctor Jill abandoned diaper duty to see what was the matter
Over to the windows the Whitehouse staff flew in a flash
Faster than the dems making the economy crash
When what to their wondering eyes did appear
But a bigly raised up MAGA Fourwheeler, and a crew of deplorables carrying beer
With a magnificent commander so amazing and stupendous
All knew in a moment it must be the Stable Genious
More rapid than Space Force, his supporters they came
And he joked and he heckled and called the by name
Now Marjorie!  Now Roger Stone! Now Senator Ted and Governor Ron!
On Greg Kelly! On Steve Bannon! On Mark Meadows and Junior Don!!
To the top of the Capitol, to the top of my Great Big Wall!
Now dash away dash away dash away all!
To the top of the whitehouse the MAGA truck flew
With a truckload of greatness and 45 too
And then in a twinkling they heard on the roof
Kamala was cackling as Build Back Better went ‘POOF!’
Dem heads were exploding and turning round and round
When down the chimney the greatest POTUS came with a bound
He was dressed in a power suit, from his head to his foot
And he was covered in winning, because on that he wrote the book
A sack of America First policies he flung on his back
And he looked like the best POTUS ever as he opened his pack
He got real busy, went straight to his work
Don’t wake up Sleepy Joe, he said, the perverted demented jerk!
He unpacked great policies, executive orders, & judges, with style and pomp
And a very big drill to finally drain the swamp
With wink and laying a finger aside of his nose
Giving a thumbs up, through the chimney he rose
He sprang to the MAGA truck with that dragon energy, & gave the deplorables a whistle
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle
We heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
‘Let’s get these losers out of the White House!! Sleepy Joe bites!!!!

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Merry Christmas Little Daddy Sherwood

Rocky Mountains, Colorado                          Dateline 16 December 2019

 

In an old mining town

High in the Rockies

Lives the legend of Little Daddy Sherwood

An old abandoned Snowman, once loved by all

 

Little Daddy Sherwood, old and forgotten

He’s lost, sad and downtrodden

 

When the mining town thrived

Little Daddy Sherwood was the talk of the town

Always affable & joyful

His rival Frosty was nothing more than a fraudulent clown

 

Little Daddy Sherwood, old and forgotten

He’s lost, sad and downtrodden

 

As the gold dried up

The people started to leave

Little Dady Sherwood was dismayed and confused

In the end LDS  was emotionally bereaved

 

Little Daddy Sherwood, old and forgotten

He’s lost, sad and downtrodden

 

No happy ending

LDS is not a Christmas Hallmark movie

Little Daddy Sherwood’s spirit is lonely

As the people believe he’s no longer groovy

 

Little Daddy Sherwood, old and forgotten

He’s lost, sad and downtrodden

 

One hundred years since LDS has seen people

Just birds, goats and lots of sheeple

Until he saw Dave on the side of the hill

Little Daddy Sherwood got quite the thrill

 

Little Daddy Sherwood, old and forgotten

He’s lost, sad and downtrodden

 

Dave saw LDS and thought What The Phuck

My mind is playing tricks or

It is Little Daddy Sherwood as Grandpa used to say

He’s real, he’s tall and its my lucky day

 

Little Daddy Sherwood, old and forgotten

He’s lost, sad and downtrodden

 

Little Daddy Sherwood and Dave are fast Pals

Singing Christmas Carols and drinking hot whiskey

Unlike Frosty, LDS never melts

Its been 100 years and now he’s frisky

 

Little Daddy Sherwood, old and forgotten

Now he’s found, happy and contented

 

This is where our Christmas song ends

LDS and Dave are best of friends

 

 

 

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Stocking Stuffers for Swamp Dwellers

by Blackjack Pershing

Dateline December 7, 2019       Missouri Territory

Hello 53rd Nation. It’s the time of year again! While we deplorables enjoy our early Christmas gifts from our POTUS, we must start considering a few small items to put in the stockings of the lost souls of the Swamp.

Yes yes yes – we Deplorables have our early Christmas gifts: 3.5% unemployment, a record setting stock market, two solid Supreme Court picks, China being properly managed, NATO deadbeats being pummeled, and soon, AG Barr will bring a gigantic canister of Drano to bust open the nasty clog in the DC drainage ditch.

But – what about gifts for the Swampians? Here are our wonderful stocking stuffers for our favorite swampians:

Nancy Pelosi: for #NervousNancy we are sending a delicious bottle of Extra Strength Prevagen, with a side of fish oil to help with her cognition issues. Oh heck, lets throw in a handle bottle of Grey Goose Vodka.

Adam Schiff: it’s really hard to pick out a gift for a sociopath. We know they are incapable of gratitude, so why bother. But, it is the holiday season. So for little Adam we have a airplane pillow to protect and comfort his teeny tiny neck.

Jerry Nadler: for Nad we have a scooter on loan from Walmart to make his trips down those hallways of the capitol much easier. Gotta be tough on our rotund New Yorker.

Sheila Jackson Lee: for big mouth #EmptyBarrell SJL we have a pair of 1970’s extra large tube socks that we hope she will promptly stuff in her very large pie hole.

Gavin Newsome: for Gavvie we have a hazmat suit he can wear while he goes outside the governor’s mansion to pick up poop and needles. You built that Gavvie. Yes you did.

Michael Bloomberg: newly nicknamed Mini-Mike needs a step ladder, some elevator shoes and a sandwich board he can walk around in that says ‘I’m an important big shot’. You’re welcome Mike.

Bill DeBlasio: Big Bird gets a stinky old green army shirt left behind by his hero Fidel Castro. It smells like cigars and BO.

Mitt Romney: for Mitt we have a wedgie. Mitt obviously will not want a wedgie, but we all know he needs one badly.

Brain Stelter: we have for Brian exactly what he wants: a footlong Ultimate Meatball Marinara sub from Subway.

Chairman Xi: for Mr Big Shot of China we have a lovely gift: a second term for POTUS. Worth waiting for we think.

Bill Kristol and George Will: for these two irrelvant Never Trump yappers we have a prize package of pacifiers, pampers, and extra large bassinets. Sad very large infants.

Whistle blower: or as we like to call him, ‘the blower’, for him we have a visit from AG Barr.

 

Pete Buttegieg: for pious pompous pipsqueak Pete we have a propeller beanie. Won’t it look great on him?

Sleepy Creepy Swampman Dummy Botox China Ukraine Quid Pro Quo Joe Biden: Bite Me Joe gets a double order of Nancy’s Prevagen and Fish Oil, plus some denture adhesive.

Fredo: our hero of Very Fake News fame gets a new hat:

Bette Midler, Rosie, Rob Reiner and Michael Moore: these unhinged leftists obviously suffer from high blood sugar due to poor lifestyle choices. For them we have a good old fashioned eight loss device:

DNC: a generous stocking stuffer: a new vehicle for all of your key players:

Finally for Comey, Brennan, Clapper, Strozk and Page, something helpful:

If you have a stocking stuffer idea for someone we missed, please list them in the comments section. Merry Christmas to all!

 

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Merry Christmas 2017

The 53rd Regiment would like to wish our subscribers, contributors and believers a very Merry Christmas and an abundant New Year in 2018 blessed with good health, prosperity and more winning. Indeed, it is good to see America winning again and our citizenry being rewarded with employment options, tax relief and enhanced security at home and abroad. We want to especially thank our troops on the frontline this Christmas season and their families missing their loved one’s. Your sacrifice is not lost on the 53rd as you remain in our thoughts and prayers. May the Lord continue to bless each of you, your families and the United States of America!

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Stocking Stuffers for Swamp Dwellers

By Black Jack Pershing

Dateline December 23rd, 2017 St. Louis, Mo.

Merry Christmas 53rd Nation!!!  And a very Merry Christmas it is as we get ready to open our presents from POTUS: a yuuuuge tax cut and a new National Security Strategy that confronts reality.  Ah yes, let’s enjoy our gifts, sit by the fire, turn on your favorite classic Christmas tunes, watch unemployment drop, the stock market soar, extra bigly winning  and read some mean tweets from POTUS.  Very very Merry, indeed!

But wait!  We cannot let the season pass without getting some last minute stocking stuffers for our friends in the swamp!  They are so sad and in need of a little yuletide pickmeup.  Here ya go Swamp Dwellers: some stocking stuffers from Black Jack Pershing:

‘Chuck and Nancy’: probably the most practical gift for these two sad cases is a crying towel.  All this winning will be making Cryin Chuck and Sad Nancy very very emotional.  I recommend this one:

https://www.amazon.com/Freaking-Emoticon-Distressed-Graphics-twl_173495_1/dp/B01LR2FBOO/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1513615296&sr=8-3&keywords=crying+towel

Robert Mueller: Lurch really missed his calling as a character actor in Hollywood.  He’s spent lots of time with his lefty swamp buddies trying to find dirt on POTUS to no avail.  Certainly he’s be more productive in small roles in films.  Some I think he could have handled?  Herman Munster, aforementioned Lurch in the Adam’s Family.  The tall guy who’s face you never saw in Police Squad, the narrator on Unsolved Mysteries like Robert Stack, any losing contestant on any game show, and any Fed who meets a sad fate in a God Father remake.  So Lurch gets an acting class:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6ScZ5UnnFs

Bill and Hill: oh my.  Things just get worse and worse for these two.  The Democratic Party has woken up like Rip Van Winkle and now says Bill did the dirty for real.  Hill just goes on and on and seems like one of the Japanese Hold Outs lost in the island jungles after WW2, that thought the war was still on 25 years later.  For Bill & Hill something from Dr Phil: Relationship Rescue!

https://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Rescue-Seven-Step-Strategy-Reconnecting/dp/078688598X/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1513616657&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=relatiionship+rescue

Jeff Sessions: poor Forest Gump Sessions just don’t know what t’do!  Here ya go Jeff: Law for Dummies!  Perfectly appropriate!

https://www.amazon.com/Law-Dummies-JD-John-Ventura/dp/0764558307/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1513616767&sr=1-1&keywords=law+for+dummies

ABC, CNN, NBC, CBS, MSNBC (Media Industrial Complex): what do you get the Swamp Propagandists?  Something they would very much enjoy!  Yes!  A biography of their patron saint, Joey G, ENJOY!:

https://www.amazon.com/Goebbels-Biography-Peter-Longerich/dp/1400067510/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1513616938&sr=1-1&keywords=biography+of+Joseph+Goebbels

John McCain: as we know, he’s not ending his career so well.  Maybe he just needs a few reminders.  Here’s a copy of the Republican Platform JohnnyM – seems like you’ve disregarded it on occasion of late, out of personal malice.  Stop that!:

https://www.amazon.com/Republican-Platform-2016-John-Barrasso/dp/1535377526/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1513617147&sr=1-1&keywords=republican+platform

Lyndsay Graham: he’s exhibited signs of life of late, and has separated from his 3 legged race partner, Senator McCain.  BUT – Lyndsay still needs his big boy pants on occasion – this box may not fit in the stocking so we’ll put it under the tree – feel free to use these Huggies during the day too, Senator:

https://www.amazon.com/Huggies-OverNites-Diapers-Size-Overnight/dp/B00HJKP6U8/ref=sr_1_cc_1_a_it?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1513617318&sr=1-1-catcorr&keywords=huggies%2Bfor%2Btoddlers&th=1

Jeff Flake: easy one!  Get a job, big dummy!!:

https://www.amazon.com/Want-Even-When-Ones-Hiring/dp/0470457414/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1513617441&sr=1-3&keywords=find+a+job+you+love

McCaskill, Pocahontas, Feinstein, Shelby, Leahy, McConnel, Lamar, Bernie, Hatch, Grassley, & many other old goats : I know a great place that will take such good care of you.  Time to move on please; Lindsay can lend you some huggies too:

http://center.smmrehab.org/

Here’s another good one – we’ll give you a reference!

https://www.ozanamhall.org/

Al Franken: a free pass to Meadows Rehab with Harvey.  Get goin, already, Al!  Ya creep!

http://www.tmz.com/2017/10/11/harvey-weinstein-plane-arizona-rehab-sex-addiction/

The State Department: many of you elitist chowder heads have high falutin degrees from ivy league institutions.  Among the many dopey things they had you read, one was missing.  Here’s a link to General Washington’s farewell address and I’d point you to the part of foreign entanglements.  ENJOY!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington%27s_Farewell_Address

The Federal Bureaucracy: Hurry and read it!  The boss will eventually hold you accountable!

https://www.amazon.com/Summary-Getting-Things-Stress-Free-Productivity-ebook/dp/B074LY8GPV/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1513618953&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=productivity&psc=1

That’s enough stocking stuffers for the year, 53rd Nation.  Who’d I miss?  Leave a comment!  

Merry Christmas!

BJP

 

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Little Daddy Sherwood the Snowman

Dateline December 19th, 2016

4:26 PM EST

Little Daddy Sherwood, otherwise known as “Sherwood the Snowman,” has never been as famous as Frosty the Snowman, but in his own way, he should be. He puts people first.

The story begins in 2003 when a young father told the story of “Sherwood” to his two little girls’ age 11 and 7. You see Sherwood came to life each year on the mountaintop of Bear Mountain in New York. He would stay up there until mid-December and when the weather got cold enough and snow began to fall, he would make his way across the Hudson River into Putnam Valley. Nobody knew where he would lay down his head at night but he was often seen around Oregon Corners whisking through the streets or occasionally surprising customers at the Sunoco Gas Station pumping gas into Olds Delta 88s, Buick Electra’s or Pontiac Catalina’s (he had a passion for GM Sedans). The head mechanic George at the Sunoco loved Sherwood and appreciated his help.

Sherwood was a joyful, slender snowman with no top hat and he didn’t smoke, so no pipe. (He kind of looks like that emoji Snowman in I-phones) Frosty gets all the attention this time of year but Sherwood the Snowman is equally as special and he has a superpower that Frosty doesn’t have. Between December and March, Sherwood doesn’t melt!! It is for this reason, on special occasions, Santa calls upon Sherwood for those special missions in warmer climates to deliver presents. Some refer to Sherwood the Snowman as a Special Operator for these reasons.

Sherwood occasionally will bring special presents to families and their children that hale from the Putnam Valley area. Each Christmas, three or four families get the best presents ever from Sherwood. One year this little boy received a pair of purple Converse Chuck Taylor high-top basketball sneakers. It was a joyful Christmas when this lad thought he’d be lucky to get another pair of Skippy’s, aka Caldor shoes, if he got a pair at all.

Even to this day, those same two little girls that are now grown up, are always looking for Little Daddy Sherwood knowing he’s out there, and knowing this could be the year Little Daddy Sherwood visits their house for Christmas. Whereas Frosty says “Merry Christmas” when he comes to life, Little Daddy Sherwood says, “Reporting for duty Santa!”

Merry Christmas!!

PS: Little Daddy Sherwood is a big Trump supporter because when he went to Snowman School, he got in trouble for wishing a “Merry Christmas” to a group of elementary school students on a field trip to Bear Mountain State Park.

 

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