Category Archives: Swamp

Stocking Stuffers for Swamp Dwellers

by Blackjack Pershing

Dateline December 7, 2019       Missouri Territory

Hello 53rd Nation. It’s the time of year again! While we deplorables enjoy our early Christmas gifts from our POTUS, we must start considering a few small items to put in the stockings of the lost souls of the Swamp.

Yes yes yes – we Deplorables have our early Christmas gifts: 3.5% unemployment, a record setting stock market, two solid Supreme Court picks, China being properly managed, NATO deadbeats being pummeled, and soon, AG Barr will bring a gigantic canister of Drano to bust open the nasty clog in the DC drainage ditch.

But – what about gifts for the Swampians? Here are our wonderful stocking stuffers for our favorite swampians:

Nancy Pelosi: for #NervousNancy we are sending a delicious bottle of Extra Strength Prevagen, with a side of fish oil to help with her cognition issues. Oh heck, lets throw in a handle bottle of Grey Goose Vodka.

Adam Schiff: it’s really hard to pick out a gift for a sociopath. We know they are incapable of gratitude, so why bother. But, it is the holiday season. So for little Adam we have a airplane pillow to protect and comfort his teeny tiny neck.

Jerry Nadler: for Nad we have a scooter on loan from Walmart to make his trips down those hallways of the capitol much easier. Gotta be tough on our rotund New Yorker.

Sheila Jackson Lee: for big mouth #EmptyBarrell SJL we have a pair of 1970’s extra large tube socks that we hope she will promptly stuff in her very large pie hole.

Gavin Newsome: for Gavvie we have a hazmat suit he can wear while he goes outside the governor’s mansion to pick up poop and needles. You built that Gavvie. Yes you did.

Michael Bloomberg: newly nicknamed Mini-Mike needs a step ladder, some elevator shoes and a sandwich board he can walk around in that says ‘I’m an important big shot’. You’re welcome Mike.

Bill DeBlasio: Big Bird gets a stinky old green army shirt left behind by his hero Fidel Castro. It smells like cigars and BO.

Mitt Romney: for Mitt we have a wedgie. Mitt obviously will not want a wedgie, but we all know he needs one badly.

Brain Stelter: we have for Brian exactly what he wants: a footlong Ultimate Meatball Marinara sub from Subway.

Chairman Xi: for Mr Big Shot of China we have a lovely gift: a second term for POTUS. Worth waiting for we think.

Bill Kristol and George Will: for these two irrelvant Never Trump yappers we have a prize package of pacifiers, pampers, and extra large bassinets. Sad very large infants.

Whistle blower: or as we like to call him, ‘the blower’, for him we have a visit from AG Barr.

 

Pete Buttegieg: for pious pompous pipsqueak Pete we have a propeller beanie. Won’t it look great on him?

Sleepy Creepy Swampman Dummy Botox China Ukraine Quid Pro Quo Joe Biden: Bite Me Joe gets a double order of Nancy’s Prevagen and Fish Oil, plus some denture adhesive.

Fredo: our hero of Very Fake News fame gets a new hat:

Bette Midler, Rosie, Rob Reiner and Michael Moore: these unhinged leftists obviously suffer from high blood sugar due to poor lifestyle choices. For them we have a good old fashioned eight loss device:

DNC: a generous stocking stuffer: a new vehicle for all of your key players:

Finally for Comey, Brennan, Clapper, Strozk and Page, something helpful:

If you have a stocking stuffer idea for someone we missed, please list them in the comments section. Merry Christmas to all!

 

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It’s Time for a Distributed Capital of the United States

By Blackjack Pershing             Missouri Territory

Dateline: November 5th, 2019

“As once, when the armies of the empire were shattered and the strong barbarians poured in upon the soft provincials, so now the fierce weeds pressed in to destroy the pampered nursling’s of man.”
George R. Stewart, Earth Abides

A recent tweet by the 53rd Regiment sparked the idea that it’s time to decentralize the federal government and disperse it throughout the United States.

The above quote from the noted apocalyptic novel Earth Abides, references the ‘pampered nurslings of man’. Is there a better description of denizens of the Beltway than that? Maybe…

Like rats to a dumpster every known form of vermin has now gathered in Washington DC; like the swamp ecosystem that gives it its nickname, DC has its own ecosystem of users, hacks, hangers on, bribers, sycophants, charlatans, and destroyers. Unlike the ticks, fleas, snakes, toads, mosquitos and flies of the real swamp, these vermin do real and lasting damage to our nation.

The 53rd Regiment pointed out recently that even major corporations (not just defense contractors) are moving their HQ’s the DC metro area to get in on the feeding frenzy of special interests and influence building. Even those larger companies who do not have a HQ there, usually have well-staffed teams of lobbyists in the capital.

A distributed model for our federal institutions could be one way to break up the clogged sewer we call Washington DC.

First – what we do NOT mean: this is not a proposal to move the entire capital to the center of the United States. Others have advocated that; we are not. Too expensive, too unrealistic and too dated.

We advocate a gradual move of federal resources throughout the territory of the United States in order to evenly distribute resources, and better keep the population in touch with its institutions.

What stays in DC: the Capitol, the White House, the Pentagon (DOD), the museums and the monuments. Washington DC can remain the historical capital of the nation and the rightful place to memorialize our history. Our elected officials can also live and assemble there.

What can go? Pretty much everything else. Over time. And it would be extremely healthy. Current thinking on the evolution of any large organization is to move toward a distributed model – google Bob Johansen and Leadership Literacies, if you have an interest in the topic. Technology now enables instant communication globally; certainly within the time zones of the United States this is even more attractive.

Think about these possibilities:

· The Department of Homeland Security in the Southwestern US near our largest security issue
· While the Pentagon may stay the Pentagon, US Military assets could be moved throughout the United States. Navy HQ in Hawaii? Philadelphia? Army HQ Ft Bragg, NC? Ft Riley, KS? Air Force HQ one of the coasts? Home of Aviation in Dayton, OH? Future Space Force Command in Cape Canaveral? All Possible – over time. Military deployment and logistical needs should certainly be evaluated.

· Every time a department is to be built, renovated, restructured, etc., it should be moved to another state, systematically and fairly – no one gets too much, and everyone gets some. Much like the electoral college.

· FBI leaves the swamp and goes to crime capital of the US: Chicago; they should be careful once there. Dangerous.

· CIA: leaves the swamp and comes to the heartland, St Louis, MO

· HUD: move it to a well-run city like Charlotte or San Diego learn what works.

· DOJ: great candidate to leave the swamp; send it to the heartland, and in this case make it Jackson, MS

· The VA – a critical agency if ran correctly should move to a much more conscientious town near a large Military Installation; maybe someplace in Kentucky, near Ft’s Knox or Campbell.

· The USDA should naturally be in the farm belt of the nation; upper Midwest feels right.

· The EPA should move to Detroit. Plenty of big messes for them to focus on there. New Jersey a close #2, and we do mean #2, as in #2. Sorry New Jersey.

· Require the congress to rotate its location and meetings through State Capitols several times per year. Make them experience and come to terms with different parts of the United States.

Safety: distributing the federal government assets makes it far more difficult to ‘decapitate’ the United States in a terror attack or even surprise attack from an international competitor. Given the risk level it is surprising that this course of action hasn’t been discussed more openly already.

Readers of the 53rd Regiment: Do you agree? Is this a good way to not only drain, but permanently disrupt the swamp? Weigh in below and be heard!

BJP

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Russian Agents & the Democratic Party

by Guardian  6        Foxhole Sierra        Dateline 23 October 2019   

While the democrats accused President Donald Trump of colluding with the Russians in his 2016 election campaign and then covering it up, the infamous Mueller investigation found no collusion and no obstruction. This investigation was triggered by the phony dossier created by the Clinton Campaign and then used by the Intelligence Community (IC) and the FBI to justify FISA warrants to surveil on the Trump campaign and Trump Administration. Since these early days the democrats have weaponized the IC, partnered with Mainstream Media (MSM) and leveraged Deep State bureaucratic operatives to attack the Trump presidency. They have been relentless along with their IC, FBI, MSM and Deep States accomplices.

The democrats continue to throw false accusation after false accusation at President Trump, the latest being the false Ukrainian quid pro quo accusation facilitated by an IC “whistleblower,” a registered democrat, coordinated through Representative Adam Schiff’s staff.  The democrats continue to parade attack after attack to undermine America’s trust in our president before the 2020 election.

The Resistance Campaign that democrats proudly tout, was originally founded by the Russians and seeded through their funding on platforms like Facebook & Twitter. It has served to fuel division within America  driven by the democrats thirst for power at any cost, to include undermining American values and the votes of 63 million Americans. The Russian agents undermining America are the Democratic Party, democratic representatives, MSM, the weaponized IC and Deep State bureaucrats. Let’s examine the evidence:

1. Speaker Nancy Pelosi is conducting an impeachment inquiry excluding the Republic Party as active participants while conducting secret hearings disallowing due process for President Trump.

2. Chairman Adam Schiff is conducting the Impeachment Inquiry through the Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence so his predetermined outcome can be orchestrated in the cover of darkness excluding due process and Republican Party witnesses.

3. Hours before President Trump released the transcript of his phone call with the Ukranian president, Representative Schiff opened a public hearing on the matter by reading a false transcript of the call that Schiff and his staff fabricated. This was read on live TV to open the hearing intentionally deceiving the American public.

4. The President of CNN, Jeffrey Zucker, orchestrates the days news through a 9 am conference call each day where he advises his news shows and programming to attack Trump 24/7. Objectivity be damned, get Trump.

5. MSNBC has hired Deep State leader/operative John Brennan, former Director of the CIA, to help program their attacks on Trump and his administration. Brennan, likely one of the main architects in the attempted coup de tat of removing President Trump (along with James Comey), helps the Deep State stay on the attack while the democrats and MSM work to undermine Trump’s Administration.

While the democrats and Deep State resistance bad actors relentlessly attack our president, they have fully under estimated President Trump and those who elected him. President Trump fights on his terms, not swamp rules. 63 million Americans have joined forces with President Trump to preserve and defend our constitution and the American way of life. President Trump has America’s back and we have his. #KAG

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Americans are under assault …

by their government — House democrats, lawless bureaucrats in the Intelligence Community (IC) and the Main Stream Media (MSM).

by Guardian 6                                         Dateline 1 October 2019

The democratic party’s impeachment craze, Russian collusion witch hunt and now the Ukraine hoax is not about justice, it is about getting rid of Trump at all costs, the rule of law be damned.  Pelosi, Nadler and Schiff are out front leading the charge with The Squad in support creating the frenzy and madness in their caucus. MSM has given these democrats the media platform from sunrise to sunset and well into the darkness. This is not about America or Americans, this is about power, democrats regaining power and the White House at all costs. This is a sophisticated coup d’etat with democrats, the Hillary Clinton campaign, former government IC agency heads like John Brennan and James Clapper; and democratic operatives planted in the White House, IC agencies and willing MSM accomplices. The assault has been underway since Trump became the republican nominee. The democrats have become master of lies, deception and their tyranny is justified in their resistance narrative.

Americans should be deeply troubled and scared at what we are witnessing and enduring. This is not representative government. The democrats really don’t care what the public thinks. They believe they make the rules, set the terms of public debate and shape public sentiment to their thinking. If democrats can create a false narrative, orchestrate government resources to collect on the President and fellow Americans, hold phony hearings and then have the MSM back them up, are we safe?

Americans are under assault. If democrats can do this to the President, we are all at risk. Liberty, justice and the American way of life are being attacked by democrats fueled with MSM support. This is tyranny. It is a time for patriots to stand with our President, to defend our constitution and stand resolute to hold these democrats responsible for what they have inflicted on the American people and President Trump.

 

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Politifact – Worse News Credibility Than Morning Joe (It Is That Bad!)

Hard to Beat the Other Team and the Refs at the Same Time: 

Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, and Politifact versus The Actual Facts

By: Jack Reacher                                    Dateline: 19 August 2019  2140 hours

 

On August 9th, both Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren tweeted condolences for the “murder” of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri in 2014.  Characterizing Michael Brown’s death as a murder is an unequivocal lie. He did die in a police shooting that sparked national attention and protests.  However, both a grand jury in Missouri and the United States Justice Department fully investigated this incident and did not bring charges. The Justice Department investigation was run by Obama era officials, including Attorney General Eric Holder who had been a forceful advocate for minority rights in his career.  This was not a case of a rigged investigation heading to a predestined outcome in favor of the police.  

 

Despite all of this, PolitiFact declined to rule on whether or not these statements by Harris and Warren are factual.  The article meanders around and eventually settles on an explanation that a lay person could conflate the legal definition of murder with a killing that they personally feel is unjust.  This is a ludicrous explanation for this situation.  

 

Harris and Warren are not lay people.  Both of them are accomplished lawyers who highlight their legal careers in their campaigns.  Harris constantly cites her work as Attorney General of California on the campaign trail. She was the chief legal constitutional officer for the largest state in the country. 

 

In the biography on her campaign website, Warren highlights that she is a lawyer who served as a law professor for over 30 years, including teaching law at two Ivy League schools.  This is someone who for years had daily access to some of the most brilliant legal minds in the country. 

 

Neither of these women should be able to hide behind a defense that they were unfmailiar with the legal defintion of murder.  On its site, PolitiFact says these criteria are used to determine ratings, my comments on a reasonable response to these are below the question:

 

  • Is the statement literally true? 
    • Both state and federal officials investigated Michael Brown’s death and declined to even bring charges.  No one has ever even been charged with murder, much less been convincted of any crime. Calling his death a murder is not literally true.
  • Is there another way to read the statement? Is the statement open to interpretation?
    • A non-lawyer might be excused for conflating their feelings about Michael Brown’s killing with the law, but two highly accomplished lawyers should not be permitted to use this excuse.
  • Did the speaker provide evidence? Did the speaker prove the statement to be true?
    • Neither of them provided any evidence in their tweet beyond their personal opinions.  Wanting something to be true does not make it so. 
  • How have we handled similar statements in the past? What is PolitiFact’s jurisprudence?
    • PolitiFact is not known for throwing up its hands and refusing to rule on statements, particularly ones in which verifiable and uncontested facts exist.  Indeed, the Washington Post fact checker examined this same controversy and gave these tweets Four Pinocchios, the ruling it resersvers for “Whoppers”.     

 

There is a common axiom in sports that it is hard to defeat both your opponent and the officials who are calling penalties in favor of your opponent.  PolitiFact is clearly tipping the scales in favor of the Democrats here and not for the first time. Once again, Republicans will need to defeat their opponents on the uneven playing field in which the supposed unbiased officials will be favoring the Democrats. 

 

      

 

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Dems Not Fit To Serve – MAGA Rally Time

by Guardian 6                                        

Dateline 18 May 2019    The Swamp

How much longer do we have to put up with these anti-American forces in Congress and the media? We have to speak up and rally not only the #MAGA base but people who love America and take tremendous pride in our country. The vast majority of Americans now know they’ve been duped for decades as it relates to the economy, trade deals and handouts by the connected in government to keep them in government. Open minded Americans are woke!

Democrats and their extreme members (AOC, Talib and Omar to name a few) are not fit to serve. They are radicals that do not love America. Every opportunity they get to spit on America they take it. They hate the average American, view us as ignorant and prioritize their own agenda and the illegal invasion. Last six months 500,000 illegal immigrants entered the US and who the hell knows where they went … likely a town near you! Think about that, 500,000 illegal immigrants have entered the United States since December 2018 and the Democrats find this acceptable and are on record stating there is no crisis. They are insane and NOT FIT TO Serve! This is the equivalent to the number of people that live in Atlanta, Kansas City or Miami just walking into the US and setting up camp. Outrageous!

This is our country and members in Congress are supposed to represent our interests. The Democrats are remaking America in their progressive image and call us all racists when we object. Hey folks, this is our country, not the lunes in Congress! We need to remember we are in charge. It is bold statement time. Open to suggestions but my thought is a 5 million person MAGA rally in DC and/or in several cities throughout the US simultaneously. We need to get organized for MAGA2020 and shut up and shutdown the radicals.

Talk to me. Leave comments. Let’s go!

 

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2020 Democratic Party Platform

by Matthews Cooper

Dateline Dayton, OH                                                                                March 3rd, 2019

As I observe the beginnings of heroic campaigns by Senators Bernie, Kamala, Cory, Elizabeth and many other prominent socialist democrats, I am eager to start working on our 2020 Democratic Socialist Platform. We have so much to offer America if we can just centralize planning and eliminate individual choice. The Chinese & Venezuelan  five year plans are the gold standard we should emulate. Here are the initial tenets of The 2020 Democratic Party Platform.

  1. Living Wage for everyone. $15 in 2020 growing up to $20 by 2030.
  2. Green New Deal. Air travel restricted in 2021 by charging a minimum of $2K per flight. Air travel eliminated in 2024. All gas engine cars must be turned into a processing center for disassembling by July 1st 2022. Each car owner will pay $500 fee to meet federal compliance of Car Elimination Act.
  3. 31 Genders Federally Standardization. Otherwise known as the Baskin Robins gender mandate, equal opportunity laws will now require gender compliance with federal set-asides to fast track compliance.
  4. Open Borders. Everyone is welcome and Americans will help fund this initiative by paying for public school books for the first time in every county and school district. The federal government will decide the books and prices. Current borders will be removed.
  5. Social Monitoring & Scoring (SMS). The FCC will be absorbed in the SMS. The SMS will begin monitoring American communications and scoring each citizen on a scale of 1 to 100, 100 being a fully compliant, progressive thinking citizen that can be trusted. Americans will be assigned the following labels: Progressive Hero 90 – 100; Progressive Worker 80 – 89; Progressive But Too Independent 70-79; Watch List 60 – 69; Republican In Name Only 50 – 59;  Tea Party Conservative 1 – 49. Each citizen will be required to use GeoTrack software so their movements can be tracked.
  6. Department of Defense will transition to Internal Defense. The USAF will be eliminated as part of the New Green Deal. The Marine Corps will be eliminated due to their extremism. The Army will be subordinated to state Governors. The Navy will transition to a travel agency for US politicians  needing to be transported to foreign countries for meetings and social gatherings.
  7. Voting Rights. Citizenship will be eliminated as a requirement to vote and each citizen will be allowed to vote up to 5 times based on their SMS score. Only citizens with scores of 80 or better will be allowed to vote. Age requirement will be waved.
  8. Reparations. All African Americans will be given one million dollars each in lumpsum payment. It will not be taxed.
  9. Marijuana Fairness Act. Marijuana will be legalized across the country.
  10. 2nd Amendment Revoked. All guns will be turned in to local police stations no later than 1 September 2021. Hunting Rifle Centers will be established so during hunting season, rifles will be permitted in a lottery system for one week permits in duration.
  11. Medicare For All. Appointments will be rationed along with care by local medical boards. Priority will be assigned based on political connections and need.

It is an exciting time to be a Democratic Socialist. Our time has arrived!

          The 53rd Regiment presents a guest author, Mr. Matthews Cooper, with an early sneak peak at the Democratic Party 2020 platform.  This is Matthews third article written exclusively for the 53rd Regiment. He is an old friend with very different views from the 53rd.  Please share your feedback with Matthews and the 53rd in the comments section. 

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Muddle

“Trump stepped into the puddle, picked up the mud and threw it back at her canceling her trip overseas. What we have here is a Muddle (mud + puddle).”

Guardian 6                                                                                      18 January 2019

Americans are largely disgusted at the massive dysfunction of our government. This latest episode of the Pelosi-Schumer government shutdown demonstrates how the majority of elected representatives serve themselves and not the republic. The ancient, entrenched democratic party leadership led by Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer are out of touch with mainstream thought and common sense Americans. Their agenda is centered on power, control and more power, America be dammed.

President Trump has stayed in Washington throughout the holidays and he has canceled several trips ready to negotiate with democratic leadership over funding for the wall and border security. The democrats have vacationed in Hawaii, Puerto Rico and planned a seven day excursion to overseas to “visit the troops.” President Trump canceled Pelosi’s boondoggle to keep her in town to negotiate (the troops wont miss the distraction either!). While on the surface picturing Pelosi & Adam Schiff exiting the shuttle bus when their trip was canceled is priceless, this was more than a tit-for-tat for Pelosi canceling the State of the Union address. President Trump put his foot down telling Pelosi stop playing games with Americans and their government. Compromise!

Border security is a real issue. One statistic alone should make funding border security and key portions of the wall a slam dunk; 300 Americans die weekly due to drug overdoses whereby 90% of drugs are coming across the southern border. That is 15,600 Americans dying a year before we ever get to illegal immigration, human trafficking, MS-13 and terrorists infiltrating across. Failure to address this issue is unforgivable and Trump gets it.

Both Pelosi and Schumer have voted for the wall and border security before, several times. So what is this about? Power, control, resistance and more power. Pelosi & Schumer are willing to let Americans suffer from government dysfunction so they can resist, secure power and undermine the President’s ability to govern. Their conduct is shameful, outrageous and unbecoming a public servant.

The President is right to stand his ground. He has been offering to meet in the middle putting American safety and security first. Reasonable people can compromise. To do less than that is unforgivable after the turmoil Pelosi & Schumer have put the country through. All of this will be remembered in 2020 and the democrats are once again demonstrating their inability to govern responsibly by legislating to the extremes. Although the mainstream media continues to attack and blame Trump for this mess, Americans proved in 2016 they see through all the lies. Democrats should think about that because while they took the House, the Republicans not only maintained the Senate, they added seats. Americans are watching and already regretting giving the democrats back the House.

The childish mud Pelosi threw at President Trump cancelling the State of the Union address landed in a puddle. Trump stepped into the puddle, picked up the mud and threw it back at her canceling her trip overseas. What we have here is a Muddle (mud + puddle). Pelosi still hasn’t learned that President Trump does some of his best work in the mud!

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Schumer Shutdown II

The Swamp, Dateline December 22, 2018

He’s at it again. Senator Chuck Schumer along with the Senate Democrats have exacted their animus toward President Trump by blocking passage of a bill that would fund the government and include $5 billion toward 215 miles of a border wall. In other words, securing the southern boarder to enhance security protections for Americans is less important than Chuck and Nancy ensuring President Trump is not successful preventing drug flow, human trafficking and illegal immigration.

Americans are watching and disgusted at these self serving politicians that grandstand their personal agendas over Americans safety, security and protections. Illegal immigration, gangs, terrorists and drugs are destroying communities and American lives. There is no excuse for not passing commonsense laws to secure our border.

Let’s frame this issue. Somehow the Obama Administration was able to transfer $2 billion in cash to the Iranians over the highly flawed nuclear deal which Schumer supported. Now Schumer will not approve $5 billion for American security to stem the flow of drugs and illegal immigration. This demonstrates how self serving the democrats really are and telegraphs what the next two years are likely to bring.

President Trump, time to stand up for America and settle for not one penny less than $5 billion. You have a bully pulpit, use it! Give America the security we deserve.

Original article below published January 19th, 2018

Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA), 800 thousand of them whom arrived illegally, are being prioritized by Democrats over the rights of 320 million tax paying American citizens . Even though the current illegal DACA arrangement implemented by an illegal Executive Order by former President Obama is not due to expire until March 5th, 2018, the Democrats (#SchumerShutdown) are NOT willing to pass a continuous resolution to fund the government.

Couple questions:

  1. Is this a cover-up and a distraction to the cover-up of the phony dossier and Democratic Party collusion with a British Spy and phony dossier?
  2. So the Dems are prioritzing illegals “rights” over the tax paying rights of citizens of the United States?
  3. The Dems are willing to let the military and their families go without pay while we are at war? By the way, Congress still gets paid in a government shutdown. Isn’t that interesting. Different rules for the ruling elite.
  4. Was the #shithole fake news episode really about the set-up to DACA? Of course it was! But the fake news will not report this.

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Christmas Gifts & Stocking Stuffers for the Swamp & Beyond

by Blackjack Pershing       Dateline: December 14th, 2018

Once again 53rd Nation, it’s time to do our Christmas shopping and line up those absolutely perfect gifts for the denizens of the Swamp, and other liberal enclaves across the land.  Let’s jump right in and help Santa make some selections, despite the fact that they’ve all been naughty:

Nancy Pelosi: Nancy gets a Crumbcake so she can have some of her crumbs back.  We also throw in a free visit to the botox emporium of her choice so she can continue to look good while POTUS administers his regular beat downs to her.

Cryin’ Chuck Schumer: Chuck – this year you get a nice package of adult diapers, which you likely needed as you left that oval office beat down the other day.  2019 will bring you many mean POTUS tweets and head punches.  Better get the diapers on regularly.

Jeff Flake: Jeff, now that you have time, the 53rd Nation is going to buy you a nose job.  Get that thing fixed for the love of humanity.  You will also receive some free career counseling to help you in your new gig as a commentator for the Very Fake News – which you’ve been auditioning for the last 2 years.

Mitt Romney: Mitt will get a football helmet.  It’s only a matter of time before POTUS starts to clobber him for the many dopey statements he will make to enshrine himself in the middle of the road – where you find only dead skunks and armadillos – and Mitt.

John Brennan: a new set of pajamas – the ones with footsies sewed on and the trap door on the back.  When he’s not yelling on MSNBC or erupting with irrational anger in his tweets, he will need to stay in bed and eat his mush.  The jammies will make that more comfy for crazy gampy JohnnyB.

James Comey: clearly a narcissist sociopath – we’ll get Jim his favorite thing: a mirror.

Rosie O’Donnell: Rosie likes carbs, so under her tree we will leave many many many potato products: French fries, tater tots, mashed potatoes, Twice baked potatoes, etc.  Yum yum for Rosie!

Joy Bejar: we gotta do Joy a favor and get her a muzzle.  Sometimes our loyal dogs are unfriendly to strangers and it’s the only way to prevent unfortunate accidents.  Ruff!

Babs Streisand: Babs doesn’t bring us flowers – or talent  – anymore.  Only mean bitter hack tweets about our president.  We’ll get Babs a rocking chair and some knitting needles to keep her busy while she reflects on the old days.

Maxine Waters: what Mad Max needs is a civics course and a new set of wigs  – we got ya Max.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: This young person also needs a civics course.  We like her foolish nonsense though, so instead of civics, we will sign her up for some yoga and wine tasting classes to help keep her in #BigDummy status for as long as possible.

Stephen King: talented writer but Stalinist leftist Stephen King gets a free relocation to Cuba or Venezuela – his choice.  He can take formless Human Blob Michael Moore and insane knucklehead Sean Penn with him.

Bill Kristol: what do you get for the washed up neo-con know it all that seems to tweet angrily at POTUS all day long?  Sad bitter lonely hack Bill needs serious therapy.  For starters we send him Jordan Peterson’s Twelve Rules for Life with the suggestion that he start reading the chapter on Rule 9: Assume the person you’re listening to might know something you don’t.  Try it Uncle Bill. 

John Kasich: chronic bad eater and complainer John gets a bib for starters, to help him when he eats slices of pizza from the wrong end with overly large bites.  We do not expect him to change this disgusting habit so we will provide the means to help keep things tidy.  We will also throw in some wet wipes. 

Claire McCaskill: Claire gets a hearty thank you for clearing the deck for a Trump backed conservative in the 2nd MO senate seat.  Also – her choice of a free all you can eat serving of Ted Drewes Custard, Pappy’s BBQ, Toasted Ravioli, Gooey Butter Cake or other high calorie MO delicacy of her choice.  Nom Nom Nom Claire. 

Don Lemon: Buffoon and CNN mouthpiece Don gets a propeller beanie to wear while he routinely soils himself on national TV.  It will be a good look and definite upgrade.

Jim Acosta: mouthy white house press room toddler gets a time out and no dessert and a lump of coal from 53rd Nation.  May qualify for #Bonehead of the year. 

Dan Rather: irrelevant Dan keeps weighing in on POTUS from the deep dark cellar he dwells in.  We give Dan a box set of old 60 Minutes DVD’s he can watch to revel in the times he was relevant.  Poor Dan.  We’d still #RatherNot 

Stelter, Cooper, Mika, Joe, Tapper, Todd, David Muir, and  all CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS Very Fake News correspondents: The 53rd Nation is upgrading your clown car to a clown VW Bus, 1968 version.  You’ll all be more comfortable in there. 

Have I missed a gift opportunity?  Please share your thoughts in the comments   section.

Merry Christmas!

BJP

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