Category: Humor

Democrats – Easy to Spot – Trail of Destruction

February 2 2023                     Mountains of Colorado 

Show me an American city with failing infrastructure and I’ll show you  an entrenched democratic party  that has driven the city into the ground  for decades through self enrichment and democratic mayors that pad their pockets.

Show me a broken education system where children can’t read, schools are dilapidated and teachers don’t care  and I’ll show you the Democratic Teachers Union running the show more focused on  themselves than teaching children.

Show me a state that is running big deficits, that has broken the backs of small businesses through tyrannical dictates during the  China Virus period and has a massive homeless problem and I’ll show you a blue state historically governed by democratic governors.

Show me a state with high taxes, where people are moving to the south and west and businesses are relocating out of the state and I’ll show you a democratic led state that has created an anti free market where the economy is imploding.

Show me a city where crime is rising or out of control and there is a defund the police movement, and I’ll show you a broken democratic led city that fails to protect its citizenry and their property.

Show me a community where Antifa and BLM own the streets and I’ll show you a woke democratic broken government where shirking their responsibilities is the norm.

Show me a professional sports league where professional athletes regularly take a knee during the presentation of our great American flag and I’ll show you a piss poor democratic commissioner that caters too haters, losers and selfish ingrates.

Show me a legislature that overspends, treats budgets like a monopoly game and taxes the hell out of their citizens and I’ll show you a democratic clown car filled with incompetents, takers and losers.

Show me a politician that has never had a market economy job and is a millionaire and I’ll show you a democrat that has grifted and profited at the expense of the American taxpayers.

Show me a college professor who teaches their students what to think instead of how to think through critical analysis and reasoning and I’ll show you a woke democratic dope that lacks intellectual curiosity.

Show me a Big Tech CEO that puts policies in place to eliminate free speech and censors people they disagree with and I’ll show you a democratic tyrant intimated by intellectual diversity of thought.

Show me a person that believes there are more than two genders and I’ll show you a democratic science denier that lives outside reality.

Show me a person that truly believes Joe Biden got 81 million votes and I’ll show you a legitimate low information voter with a marginal IQ or a myopic elitist.

Show me a New York Times or Washington Post reader and I’ll show you one of the most leftist lunes that lives in the Atlantic Bubble.

Show me a person that looks down upon the working class or judges people by their appearance and I’ll show you an elitist democrat.

Show me a 4X Vaxed Covid person and I’ll show you a lune wearing a double mask driving down the road in their car alone with a Biden-Harris sticker on it.

Please leave a comment if you have a “show me” correlation as well. Love to hear from you.

 

Be Heard!

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Urban Dictionary: Biden

Dateline 27 January 2022

What is a “Biden?” There are many definitions in the Urban dictionary of who and what Joe Biden is based on his awful performance as president. Let’s take a look. Feel free to add yours in the comment section below the article.

Biden. Let’s Go Brandon.

Biden. Fxxk Joe Biden.

Biden. A walking pile of manure.

Biden. Un unfleshed toilet.

Biden. A clueless dolt incapable of leadership that has put America last.

Biden. Exhibit A for memory loss.

Biden. Making Jimmy Carter look like Ronald Reagan in terms of presidential job performance.

Biden. China’s Manchurian candidate who took $31M in payoffs.

Biden. A foreign policy debacle personified.

Biden. America’s nightmare.

Biden. A lying PoS!

Biden. Obama’s biggest success and prodigy.

Biden. Trump’s caddy.

Biden. A dumpster fire that will not burn out.

Biden. A pedo.

Biden. A used car salesman.

Biden. I single unit that has all the worst qualities of a politician. A loser.

Biden. An installed president, not elected. Stolen presidency.

Biden. A bad smelling fart resulting in near vomit.

Biden. Where’s Hunter’s Dad.

Biden. He’s shot.

Biden. Anal itch.

There are many more urban meanings for Biden, too many to list. Each day many more are added. You likely have your own urban definition of a Biden. Join in the discussion below and add yours below.

 

 

 

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Psychic MAGA Predictions for 2022

Dateline December 29, 2021
53rd Regiment Special Edition
Fellow Patriots if you are of a certain age you may remember the psychic Jean Dixon who would, around this time of year, issue bold predictions for the year ahead.  These would be published in sometimes less than reputable publications like the National Enquirer.  We at the 53rd Regiment have put our best minds together, notably Guardian 6, Blackjack Pershing and Iron Mike, to bring you the best most accurate psychic predictions for 2022.  Take these to the bank, friends.
Here we go.
Joe Biden will soil himself and others.  Again.  Those getting hit by Joe’s consistently explosive and leaky diaper contents will include Emmanuel Macron (Sacre Bleu!) Boris Johnson (Tut Tut!!) and a second round of effluent for Pope (Poop) Francis (Holy Sh-t!!). Most staffers in the White House will be sprayed, as well as the entire State Department.
Chinah Joe will resign in disgrace by October in a desperate attempt to salvage the November elections.
New President Kamala Harris will send Valerie Jarrett to the Senate for confirmation as VP.  Lame Duck Dem Senate will approve Jarrett.  The Squad will celebrate with an annual bath.
Chuck Schumer will make a day long speech in the well of the senate about his erection.
George W Bush will paint a nude of Hunter.
Hunter will paint a nude of George W Bush and sell it for $600K to a Chinese donor in a NYC gallery.
Hunter challenges George W to a nude paint off.  Hunter suffers a stroke while painting a nude of Liz Cheney.
Big news for Chris Wallace.  In addition to finally announcing he is transitioning, not just to CNN but his gender, his efforts at streaming (see Joe’s prediction above) will not be successful.  His new job will last roughly 90 days after nonexistent ratings and being backstabbed by human potato Stelter.
Speaking of the human potato, he will sue both Don Lemon and CNN for sexual battery after being felt up one time too many by Randy DonnieBoy.  Chris Wallace will attempt to join in unsuccessfully.
Whoopi Goldberg will achieve her goal of weighing 500 lbs by July.
New Biden puppy Commander will achieve  better house training than Chinah Joe.
President Xi decides to send the Chinese navy into Taiwan.  Chinese navy sunk before it gets halfway there.  All this while Chinah Joe plays with his toy submarine in the Camp David bathroom.  Unexpected surprise?  Japan did it.
Speaking of China, the Chinese Winter Olympics will fail under a cloud of Covid, Uyghur  genocide, and global disgust.  No one will attend.
Speaker Pelosi will acknowledge her well known drinking problem and say its no problem, and order a round of vodkas for everyone.
Mayor Pete will open an alternative ‘Gay Whitehouse’ on a set near the one Chinah Joe uses for his fake press conferences.   Only gays will be allowed on set.  The supply chain will continue to be a disaster.
In a surprise to all, John Brennan and James Clapper will elope to the Bahamas and make their mutual love known to all.  Disgraced General and former Head Spook Michael Hayden officiates wedding, the Mooch acts as midget ring bearer and Frank Luntz is Brides Maid to Clapper, while Comey is Best Man to Brennan. Gender neutral Groomsman and Bridesmaids included Gen. Stanley McCrystal, Adm Bill McRaven, Dr. Rachel Levine,  John Kirby, and Mad Dog (Gen. Jim Mattis).
China Joe implements mandatory Mandarin language training at all US elementary schools, including pre-K.
Post stroke recovery, Hunter paints a nude Chairman Xi.  Hunter presents painting to Xi in diplomatic fiasco related to certain facets of Xi being accurately represented.
In a major Oval Office address, Chinah Joe announces his butt’s been wiped.
Jenn Psaki caught in affair with Jim Acosta and Morning Schmoe.  Chinah Joe will invoke Pope Francis and say ‘who am I to judge?’
Kamala Harris finally visits the southern border, but heads to Tijuana and participates in what is commonly called a ‘Donkey Show’.
The US Navy requires all Sailors to be gay.  General Miley, in a supporting speech says ‘We are now all gay – all of us – very gay!’
The Secretary of Defense also declares ‘America has always been very gay and our Armed Services will reflect that!’
In related news, military recruiters will struggle to find enough gays to serve.
Governor Gavin Newsome will announce that California is now a communist state.  New York, Connecticut, Vermont and Oregon will follow.
Hillary will continue to not be president, but even more loudly.
The loser FBI agents who attempted to kidnap Michigan Governor ‘Big Gretch’ Witmer will reassemble and make another attempt, this time successfully.  No one will pay ransom.
Half wits Kinsinger,  Schiff and Swalwell will be discovered as active agents for China and Russia.
The Squad will start bathing weekly, instead of monthly, in an attempt to win more votes.
George Soros will be discovered to have been dead since 2002, but inhabited by alien entities – mostly cockroaches.
Having become the poster boy for the coming democrat implosion, Terry McAuliffe aka Mc- AWFUL will take the logical next step and become a Fox News contributor.  He’s just about a big enough loser to qualify.
Bill Clinton will divorce Hillary and marry the African American former prostitute who is the father of his son.
An affair between Mayor Pete and Floppy Mike will be revealed.
Jeffery Epstein will be found alive in hiding at the Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock, AR.
Mayor Lori Lightfoot, Gavin Newsome, Rachel Levine, Antony Blinken, Alejandro Majorcas, Bette Midler, Joy Bejar and Roger Goodell will all be revealed as space aliens.
Please leave your own predictions in the comments section below.  Bring on 2022!!!!
Let’s go Brandon!!!!
The staff of the 53rd Regiment

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Maskholes

by Guardian 6

Dateline 20 April 21            Wetlands

Fauci’s disciples appear to be everywhere.  Maskholes are in your neighborhood. They’re in your work environments. You see them on MSM reporting from the Whitehouse, or virtue signaling on the local news. You saw them on the sidelines in March Madness (nobody watches the NBA) or you see them in the dugout at baseball games.

What is a maskhole? A maskhole is a true believer in wearing the mask 24/7 to fight the ChinaVirus even though it provides zero benefit. Many of them even wear the mask in their sleep.

How do you know a maskhole when you see one?

  • A single walker in your neighborhood wearing a mask definitely a maskhole
  • Bike riders wearing a mask, maskhole
  • Hiker wearing a mask, maskhole
  • A politician in front of a camera giving an interview wearing a mask, professional maskhole
  • The person at the other end of your Teams or Zoom call wearing a mask, virtual maskhole
  • The gardener wearing a mask, green maskhole
  • The guy walking their kid to school wearing a mask, dummy maskhole
  • The couple in the bleacher seats at a ballpark sitting by themselves wearing masks, maskholes
  • The weatherman wearing a mask, maskhole
  • The lone driver in their car you see at the light wearing a mask, professional loser maskhole
  • The Karen that goes off on the non-mask wearer at the local store, a despised maskhole
  • The teacher that uses the ChinaVirus to avoid going back to the classroom, maskhole that should be fired
  • The clown that puts a sign in their yard that reads, “wear a mask.” Maskhole
  • The blue state governors that have destroyed local businesses with draconian dictates, tyrannical maskholes

There are many, many more types of maskholes. You’ve met them  simply living your life. Leave a comment telling your maskhole story. Let it rip. Be free.

 

 

 

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Activism is the New Nose Picking

By Blackjack Pershing: @PershingSoldier on Parler; @BlackJackPershing on Gab; @PershingSoldier on Clouthub

 

“I’m just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime.”

— Al Yankovic

 

I disagree with Weird Al – he provided us many big laughs over the years.  But there is a new group of nincompoops with an equally disgusting habit that I’d like to discuss with you today: Activists

 

You’ve seen them introduced on news programs ‘Writer and Activist’; ‘Producer and Activist’; Entertainer and Activist’; oh – here’s a good one – ‘Rapper and Activist’.  Substitute nose picker for the word activist in those titles and I’ll have more respect for you.  At least you’d know what you were doing.

 

In today’s world, what does being an ‘Activist’ mean?  Here are a few things that claiming to be an ‘Activist’ will guarantee:

  • You are annoying
  • You are a nuisance
  • You are a killjoy
  • You ruin otherwise good times
  • You won’t STFU
  • You are the one that farts in elevators
  • Your issue is unimportant to those around you
  • You likely have poor personal hygiene
  • You embarrass yourself routinely
  • You are pompous
  • You are likely a narcissist
  • You have halitosis
  • You have zero self-awareness
  • The only ‘active’ things you really do involve getting off the couch during commercials to use the can and raid the fridge again.
  • You can go two knuckles deep in pursuit of that booger.
  • You’re a communist that applies the Marxism to others, but never yourself.
  • You have few if any friends and resort to using social media to create your fake world
  • You are lacking in skills and capabilities, and have decided that calling yourself an Activist is a great diversionary tactic
  • You are a loser, losing loserly on the way to Loserville in a Losermobile

 

How about the clowns that have that word ACTIVIST in their social media profiles.  One positive thing about this is it’s good way to avoid morons.  Like a leper yelling ‘Unclean!’ from a distance 2000 years ago, ACTIVIST on a Linkedin profile screams ‘I am a huge doofus!!!’  Thanks for the tip, Bonehead, I’ll move on.  These yutz’s also frequently have their preferred pronouns posted next to their name: he/him, she/her.  How ‘bout we just go with the gender neutral ‘Big Dummy’or maybe ‘Buffoon’ is more to your liking?

 

Even worse are the ACTIVISTS in media, portraying themselves as legitimate journalists – when they really are leftist activists spewing talking points and propaganda that would make Pravda editors blush.  Stelter.  Cooper.  Tapper.  Cuomo.  Holt.  Todd.  Stephanopoulos.  Sharpton.  Lemon.  Maddow.  Mika & Schmoe.  You know them.  No talent ACTIVISTS.  Nosepickers ALL!  They’d never be welcome at any social event where normal people assemble.  Most of their parents will not let them come over either.  The great Spiro Agnew called them ‘nattering nabobs of negativity.  He knew.

 

Activist Athletes may be the worst.  Colin Kaepernick and Lebron James perhaps the Apex of nose picking absurdity.  One became an activist after being benched, the other clearly owned by China.

 

Like nose pickers, Activists seem to be everywhere.  Unlike many nose pickers, activists don’t try to hide what they do.  The are disgusting and improper in plain sight.  Let’s all shun them and call them out for the disgraceful POS’s they really are and get them a damn Kleenex.  Gross!

 

Non-Activist

BlackJackPershing

 

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2020 Big Dummies of the Year – They Earned it!

By Pershing Soldier                                            17 January 2021

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
 
Note to readers: 2020 revealed so many dummies, that your favorite dummy may not be included here.  We invite you to list any missing dummies in the comments section below.  Also note: not all democrats are dummies, but most of those who vote for them are in fact, Big Dummies.  
Its that time, fellow patriots, when we sit down and discern the epic failures, hilariously inept and true buffoons amongst us.  2020 provided an eruption of Big Dummies that is historic.  Let’s get to work.
These will be in no particular order as the dummies themselves are in no particular order.
Bret ‘Buffet Table’ Baier, Martha ‘McStupid’ MacCallum and Chris Wallace are our headliners.  These three as well as many other enablers have destroyed Fox News.  There has not been a more spectacular epic fail in television than the Fox News election night implosion.  It will never be matched.  A wicked combination of hubris, isolation and yes, stupidity, resulted in a near 20 year streak of #1 ratings dropping to a distant #3 over night.  And no one has been terminated. Wow.  Just.  Wow.  Congrats Newsmax and OAN – don’t screw this up.  Big Dummy parade at Fox News, especially in the board room.
While we are on cable news, special mention for previous Big Dummy awardee Jeff Zucker at CNN for allowing Project Veritas to invade their daily conference calls, and confirm to the planet that they are the PR wing of the DNC. Big Dummy!!
Is there such a thing as an effective Big Dummy?  Maybe,  Human dirigible and Waffle House terrorist Stacey Abrams managed to pull off a second round of election fraud in Georgia with everyone watching.  Historically conservative GA elected two communists with her leadership, a person claiming to be the legitimate governor of the same state for the last 4 years wile not in office.  Stacey is seemingly, an effective Big Dummy.  She is however, aided by two ineffective Big Dummies, Governor (real one) Brian Kemp, and Secretary of State Brad Raffensberger.  Both are insanely inept and possibly corrupt.
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
― P.G. Wodehouse
(Stacey??????)
While we are on governors, loud mouth commie Andrew Cuomo of NY must be singled out as the Big Dummy he is.  Nursing home deaths, arrogance, leftist policies and an emptying state define this buffoon.  All problems are blamed on others, enabled by a sycophant press that lets him beat on them.  See @realtina40 for the best analysis on #CCC Governor Cuomo.  When you ask yourself how an unpleasant asshat like Cuomo can be elected, the answer is simple: leftist democrats aka Big Dummies.
 
RE: BLM and Antifa – we just offer this quote from George Carlin.  That’s all they get and the deserve much less:
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Knocking Bill DeBlasio aka Warren Wilhelm to the side, temporarily, for Biggest Dummy of all Mayors is Ted Wheeler of Portland, who enabled Antifa/BLM and is also hated by them.  He’s also admitted the shambles his city is in is his fault.  Wow.  But then right there with him is Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan, who you may remember referred to the cesspool known as the CHOP as a ‘summer of love’.  Maybe, if love includes raw sewage, destruction of private property  and rampant theft.  Big Dummy!
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
Napoleon Bonapart
There are so many examples of really dumb DNC products roaming around, but lets pick a few of the legends:
Eric Swalwell: notorious on-air farter, inept presidential candidate and now we learn, colluder with the CCP through his paramour, Fang Fang.  Huge Big Dummy and we grant him Big Dummy Hall of Fame status this year.  (incidentally, the current members of the Big Dummy Hall of Fame are Joe Biden, Al Gore and Paul Krugman, so Swalwell joins some lofty company)
Kamala Harris: a dope unliked by even democrats. Lies about most subjects continuously.  Sad.
Emanuel Cleaver: the Missouri congressman is the one who said ‘Amen and Awoman’ at the end of his opening prayer in the house chamber.  He joins legendary Big Dummy Rep Hank Johnson who infamously worried about the island of Guam capsizing due to overpopulation while questioning an Admiral during a committee meeting.  You can’t make this kind of Big Dummy behavior up.
Kim Gardener, the City Attorney of St Louis, must get a mention here for harassing the McCloskeys after they protected their property with their guns.  You may not know that just this past December a circuit judge removed Gardener and her entire team from the case because she used it for campaign fundraising.  The fact that this slob, and yes, Big Dummy, holds the position she does, is a bad sign for the nation.  Another Soros backed disaster.
Irony is wasted on the stupid 
― Oscar Wilde
Indeed Mr Wilde, indeed.  And there is a group of pinheads that don’t see that the very free internet that made their fortunes possible now allows them to practice tyranny, which will eventually put them out of business.  Fascinating and stupid.  So, sociopaths Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg, bald dic pic king Jeff Bezos, technoboob Sundar Pichai of Google and sniveling coward Tim Cooke of Apple have all made the Big Dummy list simultaneously.  They are admittedly smart, but they are also stupid, and do not know history.  They are also fairly destructive toward their businesses and stock holders.  If you hold stock in these institutions, it might be time to dump it.  Alternatives are emerging every single day.  Patriots reject censorship and tyranny regardless of whom it is directed toward.   Further, there is a valid question about the collusion these men took part in to take down a competitor (Parler).  This is not over.  Quick unrelated note, deep research reveals Jack Dorsey practices personal hygiene habits learned from Rep Ilhan Omar. 
This list would be incomplete without Dr Fauci’s inclusion.  He was against masks before he was for them, enjoys being feted by Big Media doofuses and, generally speaking, has been turned into a fake celebrity by those same doofuses.  While he’s more of a Doctor than Jill Biden, its fair to say we all trust Dr Pepper more than both of them.   Dr Scholl’s too.
We have another entrant into the Big Dummy Hall of Fame this year, along with Swalwell, and that is none other than Speaker Nancy Pelosi.  She’s earned this honor by down grading the impeachment process into a cheap threat, a misused tool and a Presidential traffic ticket.  The president she impeached the first time received more votes than any other sitting president in history.  The newest impeachment scheme reveals Pelosi for the malevolent scheming demon she is. Regardless, thinking Americans are dismissing this tactic and moving on.  The backlash will be noteworthy.  By the way, add to her Stalinist reign in the House her infamous ‘Come to Chinatown’ speech as the pandemic was starting and her hypocritical ‘blowout’ in SFO while the nation was locked down. Enjoy the HoF, Madam Speaker, I’d like to say you’re in good company, but its more like stupid company.  You earned it.
When a great genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
― Jonathan Swift
New to the list this year: Republicans! You know the ones.  The disloyal.  The mercenary.  The selfish.  I’ll list a few of the most notorious that were there to abandon Trump immediately.  These are in addition to the two China payees from Georgia already mentioned.
Liz Cheney, on orders from her old man, who’s offended that Trump criticized the unresolved and ineffective wars he helped to start.  the Wyoming GOP has already signaled that this Big Dummy is finished.
Adam Kinzinger, who’s made himself the darling of the leftist mob by criticizing the president.  Mental Lightweight.  Big Dummy.
Mitt Romney.  Big Dummy.
Lyndsey Graham, the most insipid, desperate for attention buffoon, always destroys any good he does with disloyalty.  He just can’t STFU.  Ever.  Big Dummy.
Mitch McConnell betrayed the President quickly, followed by his wife, Elaine Chao.  Both, Big Dummies.  Thinking patriots see through them.  Mitch won his term with Trumps’s help.  Its likely his last.  Let’s hope the old republican party leaves with him.
Are there more Big Dummies out there?  Yes.  Too many.  Its insane.  In the first list back in 2018 we listed most of the media under their networks – otherwise the list would run for too long.
The many retired General Officers in the beltway weighing in on politics should also be added, with Michel Hayden as their poster boy.  Sad angry swamp buffoons.  You’d think they all won a war or something to have that kind of confidence, wouldn’t you?  But they didn’t.  They FAILED.  Big Dummies all.
Let’s end with a quote for all of the dummies mentioned above – and as noted – nominate and recognize your own list of dummies in the comments.
If your brains were dynamite there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
― Kurt Vonnegut

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“Economic Intercourse” Come On, Man

by Matthews Cooper

Dateline Dayton, OH                                                                May 4, 2020 

Former Vice President Joe Biden is absolutely right, “we need more economic intercourse.” A brilliant insight from our slow footed, confused, Democratic Party leader. Come on man, Joe is right and he  has been in DC for so long, he doesn’t know if he’s in the US Senate, the current VP or the Democratic presidential nominee. His lack of mental agility and confusion is exactly what we need in the White House. Lobbyists, PACs, AOC, George Soros and China will be able to take full advantage of Joe and fulfill our progressive agenda.

Former CIA Director Robert Gates gave this evaluation about Joe Biden,  “Biden has been wrong on nearly every major foreign policy and national security issue over the past four decades.” Clearly this has not scared away informed democratic voters. Quite to the contrary, the average democratic voter is counting on Joe to get everything wrong. My democratic colleagues love dysfunction, chaos and failure. We pride ourselves on being a Doomsday Machine. Look at democratic led states and cities, they’re a mess. Exactly. As democrats we are not offering independence and prosperity, our main offering is dependency. As democrats we offer unemployment, food stamps and low end equality. Attack the rich, remove opportunity and kill prosperity. Joe Biden will deliver killing opportunity and prosperity for all.

Joe Biden hasn’t had an original thought in decades. He has plagiarized Bernie Sanders and AOCs platform, and candidly it is welcomed. The Biden Platform is plagiarized and glorious:

  1. Living Wage for everyone. $15 in 2020 growing up to $20 by 2050.
  2. Green New Deal. Air travel eliminated in 2024. All gas engine cars must be turned into a processing center for disassembling by July 1st 2022 as part of  the Car Elimination Act.
  3. 31 Genders Federally Standardization. Otherwise known as the Baskin Robins gender mandate, equal opportunity laws will now require gender compliance with federal set-asides to fast track more gender confusion.
  4. Open Borders. Everyone is welcome and Americans will pay for illegal aliens  by paying $3K per student for public school.
  5. Social Monitoring & Scoring (SMS). The FCC will be absorbed in the SMS. The SMS will begin monitoring American communications and scoring each citizen on a scale of 1 to 100, 100 being a fully compliant, progressive thinking citizen that can be trusted. Americans will be assigned the following labels: Progressive Hero 90 – 100; Progressive Worker 80 – 89; Progressive But Too Independent 70-79; Watch List 60 – 69; Republican In Name Only 50 – 59;  Deplorable 1 – 49. Each citizen will be required to use GeoTrack software so their movements can be monitored.
  6. Department of Defense will transition to Internal Defense.
  7. Voting Rights. Citizenship will be eliminated as a requirement to vote and each citizen can vote up to ten times.
  8. Reparations. All African Americans will be given one million dollars  in lumpsum payments. It will not be taxed.
  9. Marijuana Fairness Act. Marijuana will be legalized across the country.
  10. 2nd Amendment Revoked. All guns will be turned in to local police stations no later than 1 September 2021. Hunting Rifle Centers will be established so during hunting season, rifles will be permitted in a lottery system for one week permits in duration.
  11. Medicare For All. Appointments will be rationed by local medical boards based on SMS scoring.

It is an exciting time to be a Joe Biden supporter. Our time has arrived!

          The 53rd Regiment presents a guest author, Mr. Matthews Cooper. This is Matthews fourth article written exclusively for the 53rd Regiment. He is an old friend with very different views from the 53rd.  Please share your feedback with Matthews and the 53rd in the comments section. 

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Bernie or Mayor Pete -CommuCrats Future is Now

by Matthews Cooper

Dateline Dayton, OH                                                       February 17, 2020

Let’s not hide it anymore. Bernie is a communist and Mayor Pete is a socialist. They are the new Democratic Party and we should be proud.  A little rebranding is in order. We are now the CommuCrat Party (CP), combining the best of progressive democrats, Lenin communists and statist socialists.  The 2020 Democratic Party Platform should reflect this and our delegates at the Milwaukee Convention should vote on the name change. No more hidden agenda’s and no more hiding who we really are to the American people. We are CP’s and we are CommuCrats and we are proud.

As Bernie says, healthcare is a “human right.” Birth is not a human right because we need less humans to give the Green New Deal a chance. I propose at age seven healthcare becomes a human right if a child makes it that far. At age seven government single payer healthcare is guaranteed. Between birth and age seven, healthcare is dependent on state resources and children aptitude test scores. We should also consider ending healthcare support beyond the age of 75 except for government officials since they deserve preferential treatment. Mayor Bloomberg is right to propose age limits for healthcare. These CommuCrat ideas should be part of our CP platform.

America will become a sanctuary country once Bernie or Pete is elected. Finally, right? No borders, no skills, no immigrant interviews, no papers, no problem. Bernie or Pete absolutely get this. ICE will be disbanded day one of a Bernie presidency. Thank goodness.

Soccer will become America’s game. It will be mandated. The NFL will be outlawed, Curling will be encouraged as a High School sport replacing hockey and NBA teams will become state owned enterprises. Private ownership will be eliminated in all sectors of the economy.

Billionaires will be outlawed. They will transfer their wealth to the Billionaire Wealth Transfer Czar appointed by the President. Bernie or Pete will decide how best to use this money for personal or public benefit. Elites know best how to spend other peoples money and this is a core principle of the new CommuCrat Party.

We areCommuCrats now; louder, prouder and bolder than Biden’s America. While Biden’s Quid Pro Quo with Ukraine and his son benefiting from him being Vice President is admirable, he’s no Bernie. Joe is a CommuCrat lite at best. His time has passed.

The former Democratic Party is now the new CommuCrat Party and we belong to Bernie & Pete. We are proud CommuCrats!

 

The 53rd Regiment presents a guest author, Mr. Matthews Cooper, with an sneak peak at the Democratic Party 2020 platform.  This is Matthews fourth article written exclusively for the 53rd Regiment. He is an old friend with very different views from the 53rd Regiment.  Please share your feedback with Matthews and the 53rd in the comments section. This radical wants to Be Heard. He deserves your unfiltered feedback. 

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Stocking Stuffers for Swamp Dwellers

by Blackjack Pershing

Dateline December 7, 2019       Missouri Territory

Hello 53rd Nation. It’s the time of year again! While we deplorables enjoy our early Christmas gifts from our POTUS, we must start considering a few small items to put in the stockings of the lost souls of the Swamp.

Yes yes yes – we Deplorables have our early Christmas gifts: 3.5% unemployment, a record setting stock market, two solid Supreme Court picks, China being properly managed, NATO deadbeats being pummeled, and soon, AG Barr will bring a gigantic canister of Drano to bust open the nasty clog in the DC drainage ditch.

But – what about gifts for the Swampians? Here are our wonderful stocking stuffers for our favorite swampians:

Nancy Pelosi: for #NervousNancy we are sending a delicious bottle of Extra Strength Prevagen, with a side of fish oil to help with her cognition issues. Oh heck, lets throw in a handle bottle of Grey Goose Vodka.

Adam Schiff: it’s really hard to pick out a gift for a sociopath. We know they are incapable of gratitude, so why bother. But, it is the holiday season. So for little Adam we have a airplane pillow to protect and comfort his teeny tiny neck.

Jerry Nadler: for Nad we have a scooter on loan from Walmart to make his trips down those hallways of the capitol much easier. Gotta be tough on our rotund New Yorker.

Sheila Jackson Lee: for big mouth #EmptyBarrell SJL we have a pair of 1970’s extra large tube socks that we hope she will promptly stuff in her very large pie hole.

Gavin Newsome: for Gavvie we have a hazmat suit he can wear while he goes outside the governor’s mansion to pick up poop and needles. You built that Gavvie. Yes you did.

Michael Bloomberg: newly nicknamed Mini-Mike needs a step ladder, some elevator shoes and a sandwich board he can walk around in that says ‘I’m an important big shot’. You’re welcome Mike.

Bill DeBlasio: Big Bird gets a stinky old green army shirt left behind by his hero Fidel Castro. It smells like cigars and BO.

Mitt Romney: for Mitt we have a wedgie. Mitt obviously will not want a wedgie, but we all know he needs one badly.

Brain Stelter: we have for Brian exactly what he wants: a footlong Ultimate Meatball Marinara sub from Subway.

Chairman Xi: for Mr Big Shot of China we have a lovely gift: a second term for POTUS. Worth waiting for we think.

Bill Kristol and George Will: for these two irrelvant Never Trump yappers we have a prize package of pacifiers, pampers, and extra large bassinets. Sad very large infants.

Whistle blower: or as we like to call him, ‘the blower’, for him we have a visit from AG Barr.

 

Pete Buttegieg: for pious pompous pipsqueak Pete we have a propeller beanie. Won’t it look great on him?

Sleepy Creepy Swampman Dummy Botox China Ukraine Quid Pro Quo Joe Biden: Bite Me Joe gets a double order of Nancy’s Prevagen and Fish Oil, plus some denture adhesive.

Fredo: our hero of Very Fake News fame gets a new hat:

Bette Midler, Rosie, Rob Reiner and Michael Moore: these unhinged leftists obviously suffer from high blood sugar due to poor lifestyle choices. For them we have a good old fashioned eight loss device:

DNC: a generous stocking stuffer: a new vehicle for all of your key players:

Finally for Comey, Brennan, Clapper, Strozk and Page, something helpful:

If you have a stocking stuffer idea for someone we missed, please list them in the comments section. Merry Christmas to all!

 

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Schiff Show

by Matthews Cooper    

Dayton, Ohio                            Dateline November 16th, 2019

We must impeach President Trump, plain and simple. We have no choice if we expect to win the 2020 Presidential Election. As Democrats, Democratic  Socialists and Progressives we must undue the will of Deplorable America. We do not need a crime to impeach Trump. All we need is a false narrative, cooperation from our media friends and our Deep State operatives to perfect the lessons learned from the Russian Collusion Hoax to get it right this time with the Ukrainian Quid Pro Quo. We own the news cycle, we’ve planted key Obama Administration operatives throughout the Intelligence Community and Soros has us well funded.

After Mueller, Congressman Nadler and the Judicial Committee failed us, we are all counting on Congressman Adam Schiff to lead us to the promise land, the formal announcement that President Trump has been impeached. We can smell it, we can see it and we can feel it. Trump baby balloons rising across blue cities in San Francisco, Chicago and LA celebrating a great day in progressive America. The front page of the Washington Post and New York Times with the headline, “Trump Impeached, Leaves White House an Innocent Man.”

Congressman Schiff deserves a medal. When it comes to lying to America without any hint of guilt, he owns the playing field. I am so proud of him as is Nancy, Chuck and our good friends at CNN and MSNBC. Q is no match for Adam, it is Adam who is the Storm. He stares down Deplorables with steely beady bulging eyes and has the mega mind to back it up. When it comes to creating and fabricating new House Rules and turning innocent facts into weapons, Adam Schiff is swinging a 40 ounce bat! The best Nunes & Jordan can do is foul off a couple of his fastballs. I love the way he mistreats that young hissy Congresswoman Stefanik; the Me Too movement doesn’t apply to republican or conservative woman and the media does a great job ignoring his sexist treatment of her.

I am hopeful that we are well on the road to an impeachment party before Christmas. As I wrote about in my March article (https://the53rdregiment.com/2020-democratic-party-platform/) we are  on our way to transforming America into a wasteland of democratic socialism! Give me Bernie, Warren or Mayor Pete! Hell, I’ll even take Biden if I must. Bigger government is the answer to serving the elite Democratic Socialists and taking the power away from the people. Power to us, the Democratic Elites!

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Big Dummy Refresh

by Blackjack Pershing                Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri

Dateline: 11 November 2019

You may be aware that in March of this year The 53rd Regiment published its inaugural Big Dummy Awards, to memorialize the major accomplishments in Horse’s Assery from the previous year.

You can find that article here:

Inaugural Big Dummy Awards

Well, in these fast moving times, it seems that an annual Big Dummy recognition just isn’t enough. They just keep emerging like Zombies in Night of the Living Dead. A long relentless stream of Dummies. Mindless hoards.

So we’ve decided another batch of Big Dummy Awards are merited and must be published. So with no further ado, here are your second batch of 2019 #BigDummies:

LTC Vindman: An Officer and a Marshmallow-Man. Soldiers are soldiers. When they attempt to be anything other than a soldier, the risk getting themselves in unfamiliar and dangerous territory. Soldiers are by nature non-political. When soldiers become political operatives, they are betraying their professionalism. It is very simple. This is one LTC that has lots on his mind, but most of it is not about the fighting effectiveness of our military. He’s become a pawn, a useful idiot for the DNC, and obviously a donut fed hack. Sad. A tragic Big Dummy.

Adam Schiff: has intellect, but his actions betray a lack of strategic thought. His choice of a complicated and elaborate hoax to hang an impeachment on is unworkable. Hanging his career on this kind of sleaze? Stupid. Another Big Dummy.

Nancy Pelosi: previous thinking on her was that she was strategic and crafty and would not allow an unprofessional farce to unfold. She folded. For caving in to the worst element of the DNC in hopes of preserving her power, she is, obviously, a Big Dummy.

Anthony Scaramucci: what a sad mess. The massive indignity of this individual is nauseating. Gets a shot at a key administration role, blows it in the most public way, waits a bit, asks for his job back, doesn’t get it due to proven incompetence and then goes on a disloyal tear, right into the open arms of the #FakeNews. It is grotesque. But as if to throw even more slime on the pile of garbage he is, he embraces Mitt Romney as his chosen savior. He is a pathetic, sad, disgraced, sniveling Big Dummy.

George Conway: So. Your wife lands one of the most powerful assignments in politics/government. She is successful and trusted by the President. What do you do? Repeatedly take to Twitter to bad mouth her boss. By any standard, in any circumstance this pantload is an extreme Big Dummy. Seriously. Who does that?

Michael Moore, Rob Reiner, Joy Bejar & Bette Midler: All of them tubby, mouthy, vulgar bottom feeders of the worst order. Has beens? Yes. Overrated? Certainly. Over fed? Obviously. Bitter hacks? Of course. Big Dummies? Very very Bigly.

The UAW: leadership full of thieves puts the members out on strike for dubious purposes as an obvious distraction from the fact that the FBI keeps arresting key officials. The UAW and other US unions haven’t grown up, haven’t modernized and refuse to help those who need it most. Big Dummies.

ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC Executives: previously we called out jeff Zucker as the most obvious buffoon of this bunch, but now due to the good work of Project Veritas, we know that bias is the least of their issues; criminal negligence and political targeting are now their mission. Evil? Yes. Possibly illegal? Maybe. Big Dummies All? Absolutely.

Rashida Tlaib: Rashie is the 2nd member of the so called Squad to make this list, following the literally no brainer decision to add in AOC on the first outing. While Ilhan Omar is evil, we are not convinced she’s a dummy. And the 3rd member is elusive – Elvis’s grand niece – what ever her name is. But we have enough data on foul mouthed, low brow Rashie. Always yelling, always angry, always with attitude, this slob is an ungrateful bitter, hostile, HANGRY Big Dummy. Case closed.

Robert DeNiro: how do you ruin a respected career in which most of the public respects your work and you have broad appeal? Share your stupidity. Very simple. Big Dummy Bobby has sown America his shallow vulgarity repeatedly since the election of Donald Trump. Note to all other famous people: this is not how you want to go out. Very very sad.

Gillette: an iconic brand decides to go woke in its advertising by lecturing men about their behavior. Attention marketers: you don’t need an MBA; just don’t be a Big Dummy.

Fredo: perhaps the biggest Big Dummy on a network comprised of Big Dummies. Impressive.

Amy Klobucar: Just a loud mouth slob who ate a salad with a comb and is mean to her staff. Low grade Big Dummy.

Elizabeth Warren: communist and a Big Dummy, because she says she is a capitalist, but is most obviously a communist. And a Big Dummy.

Beto: how’d we miss him the first time out? Holy Smokes. Epic Big Dummy. A skate boarding, arm waving, table hopping, dentist visiting, haircut on internet broadcasting, dirt eating, furry outfit wearing Big Dummy of the highest order.

Eric Swalwell: not quite Beto, but almost. Has any Big Dummy ever had such a high opinion of themselves? High confidence bolted to a low IQ and zero self-awareness always delivers an Epic Big Dummy. That’s you Eric.

Michael Avenatti: bwaaaa hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Big Dummy.

Mitt Romney. Where to begin. He’s alternatively an arse kissing fool, a money begging idiot, a blue state liberal, a losing loser, and most recently we find out he is ‘Pierre Delecto’. While all of that is bad enough, the worst tendency this sad excuse for a republican exhibits is courting favor with the Fake News by regularly bad mouthing our President. Big. Dummy.

The NBA, Steve Kerr, LeBron, et al: did we ever think in our lifetime we would see noteworthy Americans openly support Red China as it cracks down on Hong Kong, all the while bad mouthing patriots that point to oppression? It is surreal. Like paid actors, LeBron and Kerr led the way on this, clearly putting their own wealth before liberty and freedom. They are lower than low. We believe they are low more due to lack of education than maliciousness, so therefore, they are now pronounced, Big Dummies.

Well Patriots, that’s allotta Big Dummies and we haven’t even scratched the surface. Look for another Big Dummy update during the Christmas Holidays – always a good time to reflect. Your own Big Dummy additions are welcome in the comments below.
BJP

 

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Inaugural Big Dummy Awards

Inaugural Class of Big Dummy Hall Of Fame

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by Blackjack Pershing 

Dateline March 11th, 2019                  Missouri Territory


“You big Dummy!”        - Fred G Sanford, circa 1975
  

If you follow me, @pershingsoldier, on Twitter, you may be aware that I have little patience for Big Dummies. In these perilous times it seems we’ve had an overrun of Big Dummies and its time to recognize their efforts with the first official Big Dummy Awards, sponsored by The 53rd Regiment. I will try to be succinct, as the situation is truly ‘so many dummies, so little time!’ Here we go:

Jeff Zucker: Perennially weight and follically challenged leader of the Very Fake News outlet CNN recently had a gaseous fit at the SXSW conference; here is a bit of what came out of his mouth: “I think the question should be, is Fox state-run TV or is the White House state-run government by Fox TV?” This is beyond rich coming from the Democrat’s lead propagandist, one who’s network actually leaked debate questions to Hillary Clinton in 2016. The staff at Fox at least admit they are doing commentary, whereas the hacks at CNN present their preposterous selves as ‘news’ people. Jeff gave us a glimpse at how far gone he and his ilk really are. Big Dummy. Congrats.

CNN and Washington Post: These are the first two victims of lawsuits filed by L. Lin Wood on behalf of Nick Sandman, the Covington Catholic student in the incident on the mall during the National Right to Life march. Their aggressive Very Fake News tactics have now resulted in very real defamation lawsuit that may do serious damage to their bottom lines. Their reputations are already in tatters. Both orgs are literally armies of Big Dummies. Congrats.

Claire McCaskill:After two precarious terms where she got away with barely representing her constituents in Missouri, masquerading as a moderate Democrat, the Trump era exposed her. Deplorables in Missouri handed her a clear defeat at the hands of a relative novice Republican. Claire's missteps were really just mistaken glimpses of authentic Claire - the fat cat that lives by one set of standards, while the rest of us can eat cake. Claire enriched herself in DC in classic style and accomplished nothing. Claire used a private airplane bt presented herself as riding a bus. Its all tired and most important its over. Claire took a job as a contributor to MSNBC. Big Dummy. Congrats. 

Jussie Smollett:Too much has been said already. He’s done more damage to his cause than any real hate crime could have. Big Dummy. Congrats. 

Brennan, Comey and Clapper:These three swampians really are a trifecta of stupidity. The three are not only complicit in the so called insurance policy but have been arrogant in their post Obama Administration comments. All three have had roles that require silence for professionalism. All three have violated a sacred trust and at least two of the three have admitted leaking classified information. Two of the three are known for infantile outbursts on Twitter. The third may not know what a smart phone is. This kind of buffoonery speaks to the low standards by which they were hired. All three may be up for charges at some point when the new AG gets into his groove. # Big Dummies; congrats. 

Alexandria Occasio Cortez: This epic enabled brat has had so many dopey verbal outbursts that its hard to keep up. Cow farts are now part of the vernacular thanks to her. Claims that most people have two jobs. Claims that Reagan dived the country with intent. Putting a fresh bow and some air freshener on socialism. Screwing up the Amazon deal in NYC. Hiring her boyfriend. Let’s keep this one short. Huge Big Dummy. Congrats. 

Cher:Just check out her twitter feed. It veers between what shoes to wear and angry outbursts about the president; recently she congratulated Speaker Pelosi for standing up to ‘old white men’, and it’s not lost on any of us that her and the speaker are part of the mall walker generation, albeit nicely stretched and spry. Laura Ingraham’s famous advice to ‘shut up and sing’ applies here. BlackJack actually likes Cher, especially the 1980’s Cher in the ‘Turn Back Time’ video on the battleship. More of that Cher. Less ignorant yapping please. Big Dummy. Congrats.

Bill Kristol:Where to begin. Bill is the poster boy for bitter never trump elitist losers that never got over Jeb being drummed out the 2016 race like the fat kid that gets taken out of a dodge ball game in the opening round, with broken glasses and tears running down his face. They are just holding a grudge. Meanwhile happy warrior POTUS gets done everything two Bushes could not, quickly and BIGLY, while relating to his voters authentically. Like the rich people dragged into a pie fight in a Three Stooges short, they are permanently outraged. Poopy Pants Bill tweets constantly about imagined charges of corruption, fantasy primary challenges to Trump, and just plain cheap shots that fall flat. While Bill may indeed have a high IQ, he is in fact, at this time, in this context, a major league Big Dummy. 

Bill DeBlasio and NYC Residents:Pseudo commie doofus will soon bankrupt NYC for the first time in a generation. He is in a tie with all NYC residents who elected him for complete Big Dummy status. Morons all. After successful terms of Giuliani and Bloomberg who kept the place clean and crime down, they all decide to revert to the 1970’s. Have we seen anything this stupid on such a scale? Maybe. Anyway, congrats Big Apple Big Dummies!

Justin Trudeau:Let’s go international here for a moment and give special mention to JT up in the Great White North. After accomplishing a global costume party on an epic scale, JT is now embroiled in a very dopey scandal involving corporate state tactics, job dismissals, etc. It’s a boring story, like most things Canadian (sorry Canuck readers). But anyway, JT, suit up in your Sikh Turban, fire up the bong, and enjoy being a Big Dummy.

Little Rocket Man aka Kim Jong Un:He’s screwing with the wrong guy. We’ll leave it there. FatBoy will learn soon that he’s a major league Big Dummy if he starts the rocket crap again. #sad


Finally, we announce the Big Dummy Hall of Fame, populated by dummies so notorious, they need to be enshrined right away. Here is the inaugural class of the Big Dummy HoF, and let’s give them all hearty congratulations:

Joe Biden:Uncle Joe is a legend: from his plagiarism in the distant past, to his buffoonery during the Clarence Thomas hearings, to his comment that you had to be from India to work at a 7-11, to his description of Barack Obama as articulate and ‘clean’, to his many moronic gaffs during the Obama presidency, Uncle Joe just takes the cake. Recently he said Mike Pence was a nice guy and immediately took it back when the Stalinist left went nuts. So in addition to being a HoF Big Dummy, he’s also a coward. Very very bigly sad, Uncle Joe. But congrats on being a HoF Big Dummy!

Al Gore: We were all supposed to be ankle deep in ocean water by now according to the self-appointed prophet of the GlobalWarmingClimateChangeCO2We’reAllGoingToDie doomsday cult. Al doubles down on his doomsday forecasts all the while flying around in private jets and creating a personal carbon footprint only outdone by his personal flatulence footprint. Chunky and shrill Al Gore really is just another Big Dummy, but gets HoF status due to the gargantuan size of his Chicken Little boobery. 

Paul Krugman:
‘Economist’ and Witch Doctor for the left, Paulie K spends every day predicting a recession while a republican is president, and every day explaining away lousy economic numbers when a democrat is president. His record of being wrong is well established. This useful and willing idiot for all of the Very Fake News outlets is the perfect icon for what many call ‘the dismal science’, since his whole persona is pretty dismal. Congrats to you Paul, Big Dummy HoF’er. 


That’s the opening round for Big Dummy Awards. We look forward to revisiting this list occasionally for more awards and recognition. There are certainly more Hall of Famers out there as well; your recommendations are welcome. All Hail Big Dummies! Long Live Big Dummies!!!!

PS – for any Big Dummies reading this, most of the ones identified are white and male, so don’t be getting your Big Dummy Racist accusations warmed up!

Christmas Gifts & Stocking Stuffers for the Swamp & Beyond

by Blackjack Pershing       Dateline: December 14th, 2018

Once again 53rd Nation, it’s time to do our Christmas shopping and line up those absolutely perfect gifts for the denizens of the Swamp, and other liberal enclaves across the land.  Let’s jump right in and help Santa make some selections, despite the fact that they’ve all been naughty:

Nancy Pelosi: Nancy gets a Crumbcake so she can have some of her crumbs back.  We also throw in a free visit to the botox emporium of her choice so she can continue to look good while POTUS administers his regular beat downs to her.

Cryin’ Chuck Schumer: Chuck – this year you get a nice package of adult diapers, which you likely needed as you left that oval office beat down the other day.  2019 will bring you many mean POTUS tweets and head punches.  Better get the diapers on regularly.

Jeff Flake: Jeff, now that you have time, the 53rd Nation is going to buy you a nose job.  Get that thing fixed for the love of humanity.  You will also receive some free career counseling to help you in your new gig as a commentator for the Very Fake News – which you’ve been auditioning for the last 2 years.

Mitt Romney: Mitt will get a football helmet.  It’s only a matter of time before POTUS starts to clobber him for the many dopey statements he will make to enshrine himself in the middle of the road – where you find only dead skunks and armadillos – and Mitt.

John Brennan: a new set of pajamas – the ones with footsies sewed on and the trap door on the back.  When he’s not yelling on MSNBC or erupting with irrational anger in his tweets, he will need to stay in bed and eat his mush.  The jammies will make that more comfy for crazy gampy JohnnyB.

James Comey: clearly a narcissist sociopath – we’ll get Jim his favorite thing: a mirror.

Rosie O’Donnell: Rosie likes carbs, so under her tree we will leave many many many potato products: French fries, tater tots, mashed potatoes, Twice baked potatoes, etc.  Yum yum for Rosie!

Joy Bejar: we gotta do Joy a favor and get her a muzzle.  Sometimes our loyal dogs are unfriendly to strangers and it’s the only way to prevent unfortunate accidents.  Ruff!

Babs Streisand: Babs doesn’t bring us flowers – or talent  – anymore.  Only mean bitter hack tweets about our president.  We’ll get Babs a rocking chair and some knitting needles to keep her busy while she reflects on the old days.

Maxine Waters: what Mad Max needs is a civics course and a new set of wigs  – we got ya Max.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: This young person also needs a civics course.  We like her foolish nonsense though, so instead of civics, we will sign her up for some yoga and wine tasting classes to help keep her in #BigDummy status for as long as possible.

Stephen King: talented writer but Stalinist leftist Stephen King gets a free relocation to Cuba or Venezuela – his choice.  He can take formless Human Blob Michael Moore and insane knucklehead Sean Penn with him.

Bill Kristol: what do you get for the washed up neo-con know it all that seems to tweet angrily at POTUS all day long?  Sad bitter lonely hack Bill needs serious therapy.  For starters we send him Jordan Peterson’s Twelve Rules for Life with the suggestion that he start reading the chapter on Rule 9: Assume the person you’re listening to might know something you don’t.  Try it Uncle Bill. 

John Kasich: chronic bad eater and complainer John gets a bib for starters, to help him when he eats slices of pizza from the wrong end with overly large bites.  We do not expect him to change this disgusting habit so we will provide the means to help keep things tidy.  We will also throw in some wet wipes. 

Claire McCaskill: Claire gets a hearty thank you for clearing the deck for a Trump backed conservative in the 2nd MO senate seat.  Also – her choice of a free all you can eat serving of Ted Drewes Custard, Pappy’s BBQ, Toasted Ravioli, Gooey Butter Cake or other high calorie MO delicacy of her choice.  Nom Nom Nom Claire. 

Don Lemon: Buffoon and CNN mouthpiece Don gets a propeller beanie to wear while he routinely soils himself on national TV.  It will be a good look and definite upgrade.

Jim Acosta: mouthy white house press room toddler gets a time out and no dessert and a lump of coal from 53rd Nation.  May qualify for #Bonehead of the year. 

Dan Rather: irrelevant Dan keeps weighing in on POTUS from the deep dark cellar he dwells in.  We give Dan a box set of old 60 Minutes DVD’s he can watch to revel in the times he was relevant.  Poor Dan.  We’d still #RatherNot 

Stelter, Cooper, Mika, Joe, Tapper, Todd, David Muir, and  all CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS Very Fake News correspondents: The 53rd Nation is upgrading your clown car to a clown VW Bus, 1968 version.  You’ll all be more comfortable in there. 

Have I missed a gift opportunity?  Please share your thoughts in the comments   section.

Merry Christmas!

BJP